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A Love Quote
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain



This new boyfriend of hers scares me.



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
My best friend of 5 years has separated from her husband 1 year ago. 6 months into the separation she met a man. She has 4 children, considering she had 2 bad marriages to abusive spouses her children are well behaved, highly educated and all aroung great kids. This new boyfriend of hers scares me. he initially would send her flowers every week, take her and her kids to dinner twice a week. This was OK at first. She bagan to feel suffocated and asked him for a little room since she had 2 bad marriages she wanted to take it slow. He couldnt spend the night because she was concerned for her kids and how the new relationship would affect them. This made him upset. anyway, to the point. He never gives up. He bought a pool and jacuzzi for the kids and the older son a new car. paid for the older daughters tatoo and when the ex-husband came into town needing a new home the new boyfriend forked over an apartment deposit for him through the kids. If my best friend says "I like that", he buys it for her, including the 3000.00 dimond she commented on. she admitted to me 1 week prior to the engagement that she doesnt love him. a week later she takes the ring (she said she likes the security). She pushes him away and he fights harder for her. She has the ring now so he has started to rake in the kids with money (he lives with mom so he has no bills to pay. I am a victim of domestic violence. Not just a slap here or there either, I'm lucky to be alive. I'm not being stereotypical, maybe i am. He scares me, I've done everyting short of begging her to leave him. No one likes him, not her family or friends or co-workers. She says she sees things in him no one else does. Yeah, she sees money and her kids and herself always being taken care of. Maybe it's great that he throws his money around, he is buying the whole family and once he has his new wife, has a house to pay for, the money goes away. I'm sorry I'm jumping all over the place but he is so possesive. it's a game to him and he is winning. He knows i see through him so he and i dont really speak. i, to him am a threat. Damn right i am.....What would you do? yes she knows how i feel. but will the money matter when the honeymoon phase is over and she again realizes she doesnt love him. He has had issues in the past with his g/f's and violence. He says it was there fault and he doesnt seem to be violent now. I can spot 'em a mile away....help!




User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female

Yeah,this guys does sound a creep.Any guy who is violent toward women is a real jerk in my eyes.He also sounds very controlling and jealous,those are two red flags right there.It also sounds to me that your friend has a problem in that she doesn't love this guy,but,loves it when he buys stuff for her and her kids.Sounds like she might be a little spoiled too,in spite of the fact that she has had two bad marriages.I hope that she gets some counseling and develops the courage to end this potentially abusive relationship. Good Luck

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