We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
I am a 20 yr old female in a year and 1/2 long relationship. We love eachother but we constantly have communication problems and constant fights about the same topics. I always seem to bring the subject up whenever something reminds me of it and all my boyfriend ends up all irritated and angry and saying, "NOT THIS AGAIN!" and seems to end up with both of us not talking or him saying, "I dont want to deal with this, I'm going home." Then after a period of time everything seems to be forgotten and goes back to our normal silly selves. It usually flares up from a small situation and he thinks im being ridiculious.. but I really think these ridiculious little fights are actually something of a bigger meaning but he doesn't seem to understand that. I keep telling him I always bring it up because it really bothers me and why he just can't discuss it with me and talk it through so we can make our relationship better. He sitll just ignores me and doesn't want to communicate. I tried everything from telling him Communication is key to a relationship to if you want to see what happens if we don't communicate then thats your decision. It so seems that i figured out that he has some problems sharing his Thoughts and Feelings to ANYONE..his family, friends, ME! He can't seem to open up to me enough but yet I have no problem opening up to him. What pisses me off the most is when he GENERALIZES and I tell him to be more specific but he never seems to get the point, even if I ask him a question directly about the subject. I always seem to have to ask him the question directly for him to tell me or else he wouldn't tell me about it at all. This is what we agrue about most and yet he still does not comprehend anything I say of the matter. I have come to the point where I just given up opening up to him and telling him what i feel and think anymore because he has not done the same. I also been having second thoughts about our relationship and think that maybe we weren't meant to be together and we're completely opposite from one another. He's just too careless&laidback and I'm more of a responsible wellbeing. I guess it's more because he is just too simplitic and I'm just too complex.. What should I do?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm a 26 year old guy,,,,,,In regards to the very first situation of Lack of communication, I Am a Guy...not one of the type you two speak of, but an unusual type, One that has quiet a fair amonut of communicational skills. The kicker here is that I'm not getting the chance to use them with my girlfriend. We've been dating for almost 3 years now, and like the first Girl said, whenever I bring the lack of communication issue to her attention I get the "oh hum,,,Not this Again!" response, It really does upset me to hear that the one girl in the entire world that I've decied to devote and commit my entire life to feels as though a discussion of my feelings and thoughts are of an inconvienence to her...Hmmmmmmm, makes you wonder doesn't it...Yes I know, I've become quiet irritated with the issue myself, and for the first time in almost 4 years, (8 months as friends) I'm actually considering the possibility of a break-up in the next couple days'....Oh My Gosh!!,, in the next couple of days'...If you only knew me, if you have only met me, you'd know that I the type of person that Gives up for nothing, My glass isn't only half full, I'm the type of person that belives that even when it does get drank or poured out, I can just fill it up again myself!!!...are we on the same track with the metaphoric train here?.....Well I'm Crazy tired now, and I'd reallly love to talk more about this, but I'll have to rap this up for now, I love this girl with everything I've got, I just dont want to tie up the next 5 years of her life with days and days 'of the spark of understanding not being able to ignite the the gas can of concept!..To many metaphors that time, eh?. I basiclly dont want to get engaged and marry her, only to reallize that we Still cannot communicate to each other on the proper levels., Oh and yeah, I guess it's of a deep concern that her age is much less than mine, mind you the number is not an issue it's the point that she's going through an entirely differet part of her life and I'm pas that part now, so for me to be on a different level trying to talk to her, when she's many levels apart from me seems enevitablely pointless, dont you think. IN short...My experiences of life vary tremendously with her's, so the way she responds to things in life, like me will be different that the way I'd respond, You see?...Please all respond that feel free to. Thank You!!!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer