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we haven't really defined where we are and I'm horrible at being able to bring up such a subject



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Well I've been seeing this girl for roughly about 2 weeks now. Just as of last weekend we became sexually active with one another (note: this is the first girl I've actually stuck around after.. sex..). Finally found someone worthwhile and wish to invest more of my time into 'us'. I just don't know where I'm at in the relationship phase, we haven't really defined where we are and I'm horrible at being able to bring up such a subject.

For a little more inside information, we spent probably 40+ hours with each other last weekend. I am curious though, on our very first outing, she had recieved a phone call and even though I tried to block it out, I remember hearing "I'll probably be done around 1.", well we didn't get finished until around 2. And a week after, (the night after our intimacy) she had another phone call and asked that I pull over, I did and she talked for roughly one half-hour, while I waited. I didn't really mind, but it was inappropriate. Asked if things were ok, she had a cold look upon her and asnwered, "Yes". Later in the day, she explains that she had just broken up a week before we met, and it was her ex saying how hurt he was, and they she didn't want him calling anymore. Now was that lapse in confession, just enough time to come up with an ellaborate scheme to cover what actually went on? She's apologized several times thereafter, for the phone occurance. This scares me a little bit, as I don't know the truth to the matter besides what she says, and trust in others has never been my strong suit. I am trying though.

She made the first phone call, when we exchanged numbers. Attempeted to hold my hand first. I initiated the first kiss, and sex was mutual. She was uneasy about me meeting her parents at first, as she lives with them and seems to rush around me when within a close proximity of them.

I'm just so lost and in dire need of some guiding light to shed some light on my path of ignorance. It's the first time I've been attracted to anyone, and I don't wish to lose it. My heart is literally on the line with this gamble.

Should I wait and see how she acts when my birthday comes and determine where this is heading and bring it up? How would I go about bringing up? Obviously I had more then one question, but any help would be mcuh appreciated.




User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Hard to block him out


I'm actually in the same boat just I'm the female. When I started dating this guy we both agreed nothing serious and I honestly was not attracted to him but his personality is great and led to more dates after four months of dating we decided to become intimate it was my first time and my biggest fear was having someone that close just for them to vanish. We both lived with our parents and last month he just moved in with a roommate, lately though we just reached the five month marker and things have been great, I've met his family, he's met mine but I keep listening to these voices in my head and I try to drain them out but I can't. My friends are laughing cause they say I'm the schedule chick that with me our dates are planned and weekends are the only allowed times I can see him and I'm hearing their voices telling me he sure works out a lot, or has been working late lately. And i try to block them out but its hard so what I do is when he calls me I don't say anything and let him tell me whatever he wants to tell me, eventually the jealousy will go away but this is the first time my heart is actually involved and I'm at a loss.

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