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My boyfriend and his ex that he dated for a year and a half are still best friends and it bugs me.



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and his ex that he dated for a year and a half are still best friends and it bugs me. It all started when he spent the night at her apartment,just the two of them, rather than comming with his friend to take me home. I couldn't understand why he had to stay at her house when he had been there all day already. I trust him not to do anything but i didnt trust her or the situation. All of my new friends, who have been friends with them both for a while, tell me not to worry about it but i just cant help but thinking that she is more important to him than me. They are such good friends and it drives me INSANE!!! They know everything about wach other and i feel left out. I just feel like she will always be there, and im just temporary. It keeps me from being comfortable with his relationship with her.
Its also easier for her to hang out w/ him since she has her own apartment and a car. I dont have a car and i dont have as much freedom as she does. I want to be able to become as close to him as she is but its hard b/c we dont get a lot of alone time. How can i rid myself of this feeling of insecurity in our relationship?





User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
Bonding


Wow, i don't know how long ago this entry was posted but I've been on the internet looking for advice on the same thing. My guy's ex is his best friend of five years and she lives on the other side of the country but it STILL makes me feel "temporary" just like you said. My issue is that she never wants to hear about me...unless it's bad of course. I know he loves me, and he is always doing and saying and BEING those things that I never thought real guys did any more. It's really great, but if this is supposed to be his "best friend," why can't she hear the good too? Now she sits there thinking I'm just a speed bump in his life. She has no idea about the way he feels about me...or maybe I'm the clueless one...I don't know. I trust him in any situation, but he still loves her and he always will. I still feel that emotionally cheating on me is just as bad as physically; if he's thought of her in any way beyond friends while he's been with me. I also feel like it's unfair to me; how can we build a better relationship and future if he won't let go of the past?

I think relationships are changing from what they used to be. We have to get used to guys building stronger bonds with females nowadays. But the worst part is, I think sometimes, after arguments, I stay with him just to spite her. I feel like he is perfect but I would have left him a long time ago over this chick...like:go figure out what you want, get your last kicks out and in ten years, if you still think of me, then I'll be here. But I stay with him. Out of spite? I don't know. It's like those movies where you meet the perfect guy, in every way, so great that even his faults work out because you two are both growing and becoming better people. But once you are already knee deep in "don't wanna let you go's," you find out this big secret. And I know I can nit-pick, so please take this with a buncha grains of salt, but I feel stuck sometimes. How'd it work out for you?

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