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[Love is] to be two and at the same time one. --Sonya Levien

He Goes Out to Bars

We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My husband and I just recently got married but we have had this issue since we moved in together three years ago. He goes to the bar after work too much for my liking. It has gotten a lot better than it was... now most of the time he will call me to let me know and he dosen't go out quite as much as he had been. We agreed on 1-2 nights a week as a compromise for him to go out to the bar with his friends. He usually does not stick to this and goes out a third night. This usually gets me sooo mad.

After we talk about it, he seems to understand why I am so angry and he says that he will try to do better. He never does. He thinks that if he is just out for an hour or two it dosn't matter but to me it does. Talking about this dosn't seem to do anything! Thanks.

User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Let him go

I've always thought that marriage is two people living thier own lives together. By you telling your husband he can only go to the bar two nights a week you are not letting him live his own life. If I was your husband I would be very angry that you try to control what he does. I'm sure that if you keep smothering him he will grow to hate you and see you more as a mother than a wife. Your husband should not have to ask you what he can and can't do. he is a grown man, not a little boy, and capable of making his own decisions. I'm sure it hurts that your husband would rather go to the bar with his friends than spend time with you, but if you give him space and let him do what he wants I'm sure you will start seeing him choose on his own to not go out as much. If he chooses to go to the bar more than spend time with his wife you should consider re-evaluating the relationship because that would not make you happy and whats the point in being miserable?

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