I Have Jealous Habits that Need to be Resolved
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been married to my wonderful husband for 3 years now, we've lived together for 4. I have serious jealousy issues inherited from my mother, past failed relationships, and the lack of a father figure. My husband is very understanding and has been helping me work through my issues for as long as we've been together. We talk about them regularly.
I'm tired of burdening him and our relationship with my emotional baggage. My number one issue is controlling my jealousy when he expresses interest in another woman's appearance including figure, face, size,... anything really. He could just say, she's really pretty and for two days, I'm a complete wreck emotionally, feeling ugly inadequate, and vulnerable. Either I blow up with tears and sadness, or I internalize it and start daydreaming of ways I can "make him see how it hurts", or "get him back".
It's terribly unhealthy I know and when we talk about it with each other, I fear it damages our relationship. He desperately wants me to trust him and has worked so hard with me on this for years. I'm sure he's tired of hearing about it and I'm tired of talking about it. Please please please, tell me how to tame this jealousy. I'll do anything to get through this and wipe these awful jealous habits and tendencies from my life.
User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female
Like I've stated before,jealousy stems from insecurities.You grew up without a father and your mother had problems of her own,so she projected her insecurities on to you.Not a pretty picture!I agree with romanceclass.com.Therapy is definitely needed here.It is great that your husband is understanding and loving,but,even the most understanding person will get dragged down if they are with someone who is negative all the time.I'm glad that you and your husband are working at this together instead of shutting each other out.In a marriage,you have to take the bad with the good.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer