Is my girlfriend cheating on me?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
We met about 3 months ago, and started dating the first week, we met. Things were amazing. She is reallly PRETTYYY (on a scale of 1-10...she's a 10), And she is a wonderful girl, and very talented.
Now, over 3 months have gone by, and ever since school ended we haven't been able to see eachother often. As a matter of fact we haven't seen eachother in a month. We've spoke on the phone, but sometimes when i ask her what she did over the week, or what she is going to do next week, sometimes, she won't tell me. She doesnt really give me a detailed answer. All she told me was "I was out". And also I tell her things like "I would never cheat on you ever, and I love you, and would never even think about doing that sort of thing."
And then her response back to me, is usually one word or two words...usually she'll say somehting like, "same here".
She never told me in a sentence, that she would never cheat on me or anything like that. I can't stand that.
A little while ago, I found out that her longest relationship was about 4 months. I had no clue who this guy was, that she had this long relationship with. Recently I found out that this guy, is her neighbor. They went out, but he cheated on her, so she in return found out, and cheated on him. Then they broke up.
But what I don't understand is, she tells me that he is a real "jerk", right. Yet now, she spends time with him (once again), and they are somehow "friends". I dont understand how they could be, after what he did to her. It's like she still has feelings for him.
She told me that they broke up, because he wasn't as into it as she was.
Implying that she liked him more, than he liked her. I don't know.
She sees him more than she sees me. They are neighbors! And also this "ex-boyfreind" asked her to go to a concert with him, and she actually wanted to go!!!!?!?!?
-ok, and I call her often, and she is hardly home. She also just started going to this gym recently by her house, and a guy there gave her his phone number. This guy knew that she had a boyfrined (me), but he still gave it to her. She took it, but didnt tell me what she did with it.
I just don't know, since she can't really see me as often as she used to, I just don't know if she taken interest in other guys. And all the things she has said and done, make me think that something's up.
-She also has shouted/whistled at other "hot guys" (jokingly?) right in front of me, and afterwards she tells me that she's sorry, she didn't mean it.
I just don't know if she has done anything. Considering that I haven't seen her in a long time. She really hardly tells me about her life, and she has lied to me in the past, sometimes.
I've been trying to look for signs of her cheating or at least maybe she is keeping something from me. I just don't know.
-She was on the phone with me today, and she looked in the mirror, and told me "I look terrible/ugly". I said "of course you are not, I dont even know why you go to that gym, you dont need to" And she tells me "yea i do need to" In the meantime, she is really skinny, and one of the prettiest girlz i have ever seen in this country. I just dont know.
Something is just not right, whether it's the way she feels about me, or if it's someone else, or if something worse might've happend already.
I really love her, but now it's just so hard. I always think about her.
She is the one who hangs up first every time i call her. She is the kind of girl who is very open, and will just go up to guys and start flirting with the, (right in front of me).
What do i do? What signs are there to look for maybe? How can I tell if there is something I dont know about? I've been up for days and nights thinking about all this, loosing sleep, and I need to tell someone about all this.
Please help :-(
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
First, I want to state that it is not my intention to offend. I am giving this advice from the standpoint, of somebody who has been there.
First thing you should do, is re-read what you just wrote. All of those are signs she is cheating on you, or atleast has the desire to (which is probably as bad meaning her commitment is not nearly as strong as yours, and will ultimately lead to her cheating on you).
Secondly, the sign that her longest relationship is 4 months should say something. She knows nothing about long term commitment. Furthermore, to say you love somebody after 3 months is a bit early in my book. But, like it was stated in the earlier reply, relationship are built on trust and love...Clearly, you have the love part down, but obviously you don't trust her...
My advice to you, would be to get out before you get hurt. Nice guys almost always finish last in these situations...My guess is she probably won't fight you much when you say things are working out. Plus, there are more girls out there then you think there are, and standards for a relationship should not be based purely on how attractive one is. Afterall, you say you have a "10," but she obviously doesn't treat you right.
My two cents.
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