I Want a Girlfriend!
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
hey I need some serious advice because I'm at a crossroads here. Things in general are all messed up because there's soo many possibilities I don't know where to turn. I haven't been too good as far as dating, girls think I'm pretty good looking but I'm kinda shy so I haven't had huge success. I have lots of friends that are girls but I can't seem to make the transition, what could I do about that? Do you have any advice for people who are a bit shy? Anyways back to the main trouble there's this girl that I'm starting to really like. It's really weird because we barely know eachother but something just draws her to me.
She's just cool and seems funny, and is also great looking and I find myself seeing her face through the day. She's in one of my classes and she plays school sports and we talked a bit but not much on a busride to another school but other then that I don't know her too well. The problem is I don't know how to make a move with her because she always seems to have friends around and there's never a moment we could really talk. I feel a bit nervous too because I don't know if I'm good enough, I'm considered pretty decent but not some super-goodlooking guy and I don't know if that's the type of guy she would date so I don't know if she'd ever want me. I sometimes see her looking at me in class several times like she almost likes me. What should I do?
Also there's this girl from out of town who I meant through my friend because he's dating this girl's friend and we all went to a movie a few nights aga and me and this other girl got real close. We barely knew eachother but by the end we were holding hands and we almost kissed and now her friend tells me she likes me but the story seems to change sometimes so I don't know. I don't know her too well yet but I did enjoy the night we all went to a movie.
I really want a g/f and it's starting to depress me bigtime. I really hope you can give me some good advice because I really need it as you can tell. Thank-you
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
Work on yourself
I think that's good advice. But looks are important (though as noted, beauty is in the eye of the beholder...).
The shyness thing can be a problem. My advice is to forget about the girls for a while and work on yourself... become more confident and comfortable with yourself. It's not easy, I know... I am struggling with it too. But I've looked around on the web a lot and have talked to people about this, and I am slowly becoming more confident. Take baby steps.
What I started out doing is paying attention to my posture. Girls like a guy who is confident and self-assured, so I have been working on the way I stand, sit, and walk. When walking, I stand up straight and make sure that I NEVER see my shoes when walking. That's a simple thing that has helped me a lot... if you can't see your shoes, you are keeping your head up and you appear more confident. Let your arms swing naturally at your sides. Don't pull your arms in or walk with your hands in your pockets. Walk steadily and confidently, but don't be rushed. Get a balance between being comfortable and walking like you have a purpose.
When you are standing somewhere, keep your feet spread out a bit. This makes you look confident. (That's a tip from Jai on "Queer Eye" LOL).
Also, when you talk to people, make eye contact. It's uncomfortable at first, but after a while it's second nature.
Forget about what people may or may not be thinking about you. Chances are, they're not thinking anything about you, because as humans we are usually wrapped up in ourselves!
These are just simple things to start with. They may sound silly, but it's a matter of developing habits that let your confidence come through. Heck, if you do this, you'll be so confident in yourself and like yourself so much, you won't even care about getting a girlfriend anymore! (Just kidding...)
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