I met this guy about four months ago but it turns out he didn't want a relationship
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Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I met this man about 4months ago. We were kindof seeing each other but it turns out he didnt want a relationship. Over the course of time we have small talked and he has slow danced with me after the fact, played my favorite songs, even sang a slow love song and said it goes out to yours truly(dont know if that was me). He has also flirted with me from time to time, and likes to pick on me(as he says it). Sometimes he gets fidgety and quiet, and after he stares at me or when we lock eyes he turns his head and kindof gets red in the face. He says hes always busy(works 2fulltime jobs), which i know he is.He acts negative, but i wrote him a letter recently saying that i see past that and that hes bitter at times, that i know he has been hurt, that i see only good in him and he needs to give himself credit for that. He also knows that i care much about him. He always tells others that he cant get into a relationship and acts negative about it,even before me.He is gentle with me one moment and then he pulls away and gets grumpy. He tells me to call him(when i ask him to do something) because he works sometimes till 3am, and when i do or meet up with him, hes too tired to do anything(which i can understand, but he works himself to death). Sometimes when i ask him to do something or leave a voicemail, he dont call me back. I recently moved out of the area and out of the blue i decided to call him. We talked for almost 20minutes and after that he sent me a flirty text message. I told him i wanted to ask him something and he said to say whats on my mind, since i was almost 2hrs away what difference did it make. When i was on the phone with him i told him i was getting ready to go out with one of my guy friends, and he said oh is that on of your ****** buddies? It sounded to me like he was jealous. I told him he was the last person i was with, and he knows that im not that way.Im now back in the area, and havent seen him yet but chit chatted briefly on the phone, of course i call. I asked him why he said that about my guy friend and he said he dont care what i do, in a negative tone. When he talks about a female, he hurrys up and says oh shes just a friend,and i dont even ask. I know his past flames text him from time to time and he gets crabby about that. Im not really sure what to think, I never been in a situation like this. When i do call and he answers(which is most of the time) he will talk to me for a few minutes and is decent. Should i give it time? Ive tried moving on, but its hard. Hes a very hard person to read, everyone knows it. I asked a few friends advice and they told me that he probably is just scared and give it more time, that its a fear he has. He has even confided in me about a few things in his past that was tradgic, but little bits at a time and never all of it. Thank you for reading this, i have been reading alot of the advice on here and i think it will help alot of young and older people out. I also think it is awesome that you take your personal time to dedicate your time to this website. Thank you very much for the advice :).
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
You deserve better
It sounds like this guy is extremely insecure,& possible has a fear of intimacy. Has he emotionally healed from his previous relationship? Anyway point is, from the sound of it you definitely don't deserve to be treated as such in an unstable relationship. If this guy is not going to pursue this relationship to another level then he is clearly wasting your time and effort. You deserve to be with a man who is going to appreciate you by investing time into nuturing a potential relationship. Good luck!
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