She Wants to Divorce and Live Together
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
Ok this will be a long one but here goes. For about a year and a half me and my wife have problems. It started when she started to find herself. She started making all these changes in her life and it scared me. She lost some weight doing yoga and got spiritual with buddhism. Went and got tattoos that reflected her spirituality. She is 37 with a 7 year old and she started getting a few friends that were only 22 years old into the same things she is into.
Now mind you me and my wife have alot in common (music, movies, art, our animals that we love.) but because of her changes I started to create bad behaviors that I can't stand and that drove her away (lying, snooping around, not trusting her, talking bad about her behind her back out of anger, putting words in her mouth to fit my perceptions of a situation.) Since then we have seeked counceling and I have gotten better but she has emotionally shut down and quit counceling. We had gotten the doctor phil book relationship rescue and as we did the work she says she realized she does not want to work that hard for this marriage and does not want anyone. She keeps everything inside and does not speak her feelings and thats what got us into this mess.
we have been married ten years. I have been working on myself for about four months and have a ways to go. but now she wants a divorce. But the strange thing is we are still friends and do not argue about anything can still go to dinner and go out and have fun, all up until we decided on divorce now she is distancing herself. But when we sat down to work out the details of the divorce. She said she does not want to take me for everything and does not want lawyers involved. Now this women says she loves me till the day I die but is not in love with me. So she is thinking of me in this also. So when we discussed selling the house she would not leave, and she wants to fix up the house a bit before we sell it. She wants to get a better job so she can support her and our son better which means living together for possibly a very long time 1,2,3 years who knows.
My ? is how am I to live with her for that long when I am crushed by all this, and how could she want to stay that long if she wants a divorce? at the rate we do things around here and the job market today and the sellers market for houses this could be a long process. I need some advice badly I love this women unconditionally. thank you
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
don't have any I'm in the same shoes. But this is tearing me up on the inside.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer