My Gay Friend is Making Moves on my Girl
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Male
i'm a guy. I have had a girlfriend for about 5 weeks, who I really love. I also have a friend who's gay. The problem I have is that my gay friend is very flirty with girls. He tends to hug my gf a lot, and kiss her on the lips when they see eachother. A few days ago, he moved to kiss her, and opened his mouth to make it look like they were gonna properly kiss (which they didn't), but then he held the back of her head and kissed her on the lips for like 5 seconds, looking serious.
Then another one of our friends took photo's of them together (like 15 photo's), and they were hugging closer and closer all the time, looking quite intimate. When I see all of this kissing and hugging it makes me feel extremely bad...i mean like a really depressed feeling, which i feel in my stomach and heart area...its difficult to describe quite how bad. I know that he's gay, but seeing them together like that still makes me feel that way...
Now I don't know if i should talk to my girlfriend about this, because she might get really annoyed / upset / feeling trapped about me feeling like this. I don't want to hurt her. But i keep on thinking about seeing them together a few days ago, hugging and kissing, and everytime i think about it i feel like crap again...
So should I talk to her about it? Am I overreacting? Do you have any other advice? I hope you have time to answer this soon, cause this is really bothering me.
Thanks for any help
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
I agree with Jenn for the most part there. I happen to be a gay male in a monogamous Realionship. I really Don't think that there is a disrespect any where in this case. I think that it is just a misunderstood friendship. I have female friends that they and i kiss lip to lip and others that is it cheek to cheek so it would depend on what relationship was built between the gay friend and the girlfriend. ask yourself How long have they known each other? How long have i known this person was Gay? and yes talk to your girlfriend with it but one thing about girlfriends/boyfriends are that they are still looking or they would would not be called (boy/girl)friend. So let her know that you are uncomfortable with it and if she has a problem with that you need to talk it out with her. As for the friend talk to them and let them know that you felt uncomfortable if they are anything like the people i know they will be more then happy to make sure that you all have a good time and that they don't make anyone uncomfortable. the whole movie thing is crazy. If they are out at school they get picked on and girls stand up for gay men, and guys stand up for lesbians. so the movie thing is totally crazy. they would already know what uncomfortable is and would never want to hurt someone that has been by there side the whole time that they have had this hard time with them (coming out to family and friends hardest and most hummiliating thing that you ever go through) so just talk to them they will understand and you be open minded and listen to the answers that they give you. You never know next you maybe the one that is making your girlfriend uncomfortable. (and gay one week straight the next is wrong. You are gay/ Straight/ Bi/ not one one day and another the next you are bi until you find out where you are but that is not a choice you make and you already know where you are but you have to make sure (straight boys dont try gay boys out to see if they are gay. gay boy do try to sleep with a female becuz they want to be straight. and lesbian do try to sleep with a guy.) i did want you to know that jen so you do not make false statements like that again. thank you all have a wonderful day. and good luck
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