I Love my Best Friend
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am madly in love with my best friend. We have been close friends for 10 years, flirtatious and we dated for 2 weeks when I was 15 yrs. old. It did not hit me until last April that my feelings have grown far deeper. I caught myself once in conversation from saying "I love you."
My best friend lives half way across the country and it wasn't until I spent time with him in person last April that I fell hard. We made out with eachother and it felt like time stopped when we were kissing. I have asked him how he feels about me. He said that he thought about sleeping with me 5 times over the past year during our flirtatious phone conversations. But when presented with the opportunity he did not.
We only became best friends over the past 10 months. I drew up a will and named him guardian of my daughter in case something ever happened to me. I trust him this much. And he was willing to tackle that level of responsability. We no longer flirt with eachother. I took a plane out to Minnesota to visit him 3 months after his April visit because missing him was killing me. I told him that I am in love with him and asked if down the line (when my schooling is over)if he thought we had a chance. He said probably not.
The reason that I hold onto this is because he always chases after women who are not smitten with him. He never goes for the women who want him. I wonder if I could just word things the right way if he would realize that he has latent feelings for me too.
He is more than a best friend to me. He is my buttress. When my world is crumbling I turn to him. Conversations with him leave me elated and feeling stronger than I ever believed I could feel. He is everything that I ever wanted in a man, but I just never recognized all that he was until fairly recently. I don't know what to do with my intense feelings for him because its all I can do but suppress the urge to profess my love to him in our conversations. Its painful to not be able to just tell him what he means to me.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
I am in a similar situation.
I am in love with my best friend of seven years. We dated when I was 21 for a couple of weeks, I was smitten and he was too busy...things ended, but we reconnected as friends and it has always been great between us. Except for the fact that he and I both have signigicant others.
Our flirtation and openness we have with each other is enough to drive any woman crazy (never have we fooled around to the extent of sex). There is hand-holding, cuddling, hugs and snuggles, innocent stuff that still makes my heart skip a beat. He has always been my rock, helped me out with great advice and been there for me.
My friends can't understand why we aren't a couple, sometimes, neither can I.
I have been within seconds of telling him that I have had this crush on him since we broke things off. But then, I wonder if I will ruin our friendship as a result - you know, make things weird?
He knows that I love him - as a friend. He knows that I couldn't live without him in my life. I have that to go on. Our friendship is more important to me, then ending our current relationships.
Maybe you should tell him that you don't know what you would do without all of his help and advice - that you're surprised how much you rely on him. Catch his reaction and go from there.
I always say, "If it is meant to be, then it will happen". Frustrating yes, but you never know.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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