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A Love Quote
In love, we worry more about the meaning of silences than the meaning of words. --Mason Cooley

His Ex is a Soulmate

We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for about 1 1/2 years and doing a long distance relationship. When we first started going out, he had been single and dating for about 6 months, but his situation with his ex was a little gray. They were good friends for years before getting romantically involved, and then the relationship didn't work out so they broke up. However, when we started going out, supposedly their ambiguous friendship/relationship was more clear, they would only remain friends. Since then, he moved on with me and she is in a relationship herself...but I still feel insecure about the true nature of their "friendship." I know they have been friends for many years now, and maybe it's just sentimental or friendship attachments, but I can't help question or worry. He claims he has no feelings for her and would not get back together with her, but why do I not trust it completely? Part of it is due to the fact I have caught him being dishonest about how much they are in contact or have seen each other, whether in group settings or casual lunches. I know he covers up because he knows it makes me uncomfortable and would rather not have an argument. But I also feel I may be the naive one, trying to believe and trust him even though I feel disrespected or untrusting- am I over reacting to something I just need to move on from? I also know she thinks he is her "soulmate," he told me this recently...he said he does not feel the same about her, but it upsets me to know he would remain friends with her knowing this is how she feels about him and knowing he is in a relationship with someone else.

Please let me know how to deal with these emotions of trust and respect? Or if I am justified in feeling this way, and what I can say to him without sounding controlling or unreasonable?

User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
Trust in Him

I am going throught the same thing. He always tell me I hsave nothing to worry about because he wants to be with me and not her. Yes, they are friends and I hate it with a passion because I thought at one time that what they hasve is bigger than him and me. So, I just stop worrying about it and thats when he really started showing me that he want to spend the rest nof his life with me and not with her. However they are still friends. But I am not worrying because I have a friend that I will always have as a close friend that is a male. So, we will just do it like that. We love each other but we both have other friends thats not sexually involved.

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