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My Guy is Controlling and Apparently Cheating



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
I am 20 years old and I am dating a guy 5 years older than me for about a year now. However, he is insecure and sometimes controlling. He gets mad if I hang out with certain people or go out to my friend's house "too late at night"(according to him). Whenever we fight, he is really inconsiderate of my feelings and often makes me cry. But when we aren't fighting, hes the complete opposite. He would say I love you like every 5 minutes. He would tell me how beautiful I am. He's a real sweetheart when we are getting along. Very affectionate. We have a great sex life.

Even tho he can be such a jerk sometimes, I am still with him because of how he is when hes NOT a jerk. I just wish he wasn't so insecure because it makes me wonder about him as well. Every night before we get off the phone, he always tells me to be good. Throughout our relationship, I have found a few suspicious numbers at his apartment, a condom under his couch that he claimed was offered by his step dad (we don't use them) and he told me he wanted to use it on me, a silver chain (looked feminine) that was supposedly found in a parking lot, he even called me one day and said I left my blue panties over at his house. They arent mine!! He said they probably came from the laundry room. There's been a few other things but they don't get to me like the ones i just described.

Also, I really hate that he used to go online sometimes and flirt in chatrooms and one time like a month ago he was in a chatroom and one of my guyfriends went undercover and talked to him and he admitted that he was talking to a girl that he hoped was "hot" and he would like to meet up with her. I was deeply hurt because I thought he was about to cheat on me and when i confronted him, he told me he was just bullshytting and trying to be "cool" cuz he was talking to another guy. Everytime I ask him about these things, he would tell me not to worry about him and that he would never cheat on me because he loves me too much to do that.

I want to believe him but in a way I don't. He tells he's faithful in such a heartfelt sincere way, but doesn't it seem like he has done some shady things? And worse, he often sits and question me if I been good, if I been cheating, if I done this, done that blah blah. EVERYDAY HE DOES THIS! I love this guy so much but I am pretty much in a fork of the road because I don't know whether or not I want to be with him anymore. He did tell me that he cheated on his ex of 3 years because he wasn't attracted to her. He tells me its the exact opposite with me, he says im beautiful and hes always happy with me. But Just knowing that he has cheated once on his ex makes me weary about our relationship now, and especially with some of the things that occured.

I would be so heartbroken if he ever did cheat on me and he knows this because I told him that. I am much too good for that. Can you offer me any advice or tips that would make this decision for me a lil bit easier??




User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female

omg wen i read your story i was almost in tears because your story relates to mine. the only difference is that im 8mths pregnant with his kid and we live together.in the begining of our relationship it was so good he was such a sweetheart {as they all are in the begining}! but now we get into fights and he tries tomake me feel so bad and then wen i cry about the things he says to me and the names he calls me he gets even madder hes always bringin up bad things that i diod in the begining of the relationship {as almost to make him feel better} i dunno but he never really wants to spend time with me we have less sex maybe like 2 times a week maybe 3 if im lucky compared to the two or3 times a day he takes random walks places and doesnt tell me where hes going he locks the door wen hes on the computer and fast clicks everything to mini it if the door isnt locked and yesterday i asked him if i could see wat he was going on he was sayin no no im makin something 4 u which is bullshit hes nice wen he feels like it and then i feel bad to accuse him but wen hes not nice i suspect i dunno im really sad he doesnt even wanna sopend time with me anymore hes alweays with his friends compared to always being with me and gettin annoyed wen his friends are always around i dunno but dont feel too bad because there s so many girls going through the same thing i weish you the best of luck he sounds like an asshole but the pantything threw me off you shoulda deaded it there but i understand its hard because im going through almost the same thing Keep your HeAd Up GuRl you are really too good for this ASSHOLE!!!

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