Trying to Steal Her Away
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Male
I'm a senior in high school. I've known a girl since my freshman year. I know she has feelings for me now, as she did then; However, she has a soon to be 20 year old boyfriend. Well.....I'm madly in love with this girl, and I think she loves me too, but the boyfriend stands in the way.
She's always flirting with me, and I feel bad, but good at the same time. A few days ago, her and I had a talk about our feelings. She said she was trying to decide between me or the boyfriend. Well...she kissed me passionately and enjoyed it, but then said she chose him. As much as I try to be angry, I can't be, cause I intervened on that relationship. Don't get me wrong, we are still flirting, even now as I type this; But I can't make any progress. This situation is really really depressing, but I try to keep cheerful. I don't know how much longer I can keep up this farce before I go completely insane over this girl. Is there any way to win her over the boyfriend (as guilty as I would feel afterwords)?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
I tend to agree with the advice from Advisors but only up to a point.
Yes, you want to "remain her friend and have fun with her, ... open your mind to women who are actually FREE and not playing these sorts of games." However, all women & men play games whether they admit it or not. Why is it that we always desire whom we want but can't have, and the ones that we don't desire are the ones that want us? Because we are programmed to want to work towards making someone desire us and want to be with us. When you throw yourself at the object of your affection and act all mushy and wussy, you've taken away any incentive for her to work for your affection! She already has it!
So the question remains, what to do?
First thing is, reprogram your brain. Stop desiring this girl so much, channel your desires towards other girls so that girl #1 will notice. If their is one thing that will drive her back to you it is jealousy and fear of loss. But you have to act confident and cool and not be so available to this girl. Continue the friendship, be nice, always be positive, warm, caring, of honorable character, and most importantly, touch her every chance that you get. Not sexually but touch her arms her hands while you talk. Massage her shoulders if she'll let you. Touching her will cause her body to release the "feel good" hormone oxytocin. This hormone is responsible for making us fall in love. I would refrain from kissing her though, this will serve to build up her desire for you. Other tips, keep phone conversations short but pleasant and always be the one to hang up first. Always act busy, women like a man who has goals. Don't kiss up to her. Point out her faults in a light-hearted manner. Beautiful women are tired of us guys drooling over how beautiful they are so when you point out their shortcomings in a positve way, they try harder to please you.
If she really likes you, and it sounds like she does, don't give up. And guess what? When you finally do have her, don't be sirprised if you no longer want her!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer