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Love must be as much a light as a flame. --Henry David Thoreau



He Fears Commitment



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Me and this guy have been dating a month. Me and him were going great and it just seemed like one day he woke up and didn't know who i was. this isn't the first time, we dated two months before this and probably 2 months before that. I shared my feeling with him about how i felt about him and he told me that he can't have me attached that i'll get hurt. He tried to make me understand by telling me he has a certain way of thinking and he can't help it. he tells me he always thinks of the worst out of any situation. he has a hard time trusting people especially girls cause of past experience. He has told me stuff that he has never shared with anyone else so i know their is trust deep inside. He tells me i deserve a lot better and i should quit waiting for him. Me and his mom and dad get along great and they always give me advice to helping him. They tell me how much he talks about me and some of the things he says. i know he still cares for me but why is he doing this? his dad tells me "to take him with a grain of salt."

how could i bring him closer to me like he was before, with out running away? how could i help him with all his issues? me and him have a great talking relationship we can talk about anything and never argue about it so if you have any ideas of something i could say to him please let me know.
i'm sorry to make this a novel but usally when i put in more details you are more helpful to me.

well thank you so much i'll be looking forward to reading your e-mail

p.s he runs away from things that is bothering him at the time just avoiding the whole situation. i realy want to help him. i know me and him will be back together but to keep him from running a 3rd time is what i need help with.




User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female

It sounds like he is deeply afraid of getting hurt,so draws up into his "shell" and avoids you.He has been hurt in the past and doesn't seem to want to move past that.He trusts you,just not enough for a commitment.Unless he is willing to go through conseling,you are better off breaking up with because he is always going to look for the worse in you instead of the best.

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