On the back burner?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
So I've fallen for my best guy pal of 3 years and I'm not quite sure what to do about it? Alittle history of our past goes like this; When I first met him three years ago there was no romantic spark at all and then eventually after about a year or so I realized that I had feelings for him and I thought that he did too. It seemed like at the begginning he was trying to pursue me cause he'd always call and he started emailing me while he was away at school and so on and so on. When he'd come home over a weekened from his school we'd hang out together. Eventually we went as far as crossing that 'boundary' between a guy/girl friendship and have hooked up a few times. At first it was weird, but then we were comfortable about it. We'd usually hang out every weekend...(there was a bunch of us that did) so we spent a lot of time together, especially during the summers out on the lake. He's in love with my family and has come to family barbeques and such and has even come with me to my little sister's volleyball games. We both get teased alot by our friends, which is probably typical cause of how close we are but haven't yet taken it to a bf/gf relationship. Also everyone that doesn't know who we are thinks that we're either husband and wife or a couple. His family loves me to death and wishes that we'd get together and I just always laugh at them and shrug it off saying that we're just friends but deep down it kills me that everyone thinks that we should be together but we're not. You'd be amazed at how many people say stuff to us all the time like, you two fight like a married couple (we constantly are fighting and teasing each other), or you guys are gonna get married one day and I'm gonna laugh. things like that. I know that he knows that I like 'like' him and awhile back I found out that he liked 'liked' me too but felt stupid about it cause we're friends and all. We've never talked about 'us' either, and I'm just scared I guess cause I'm afraid of what he'll say. Another thing is we both have jobs right now that involve sitting in an office on a computer so we talk EVERY day on a chat line to each other about everything and anything. So I'm not quite sure what to do about him? Do I just let my romantic feelings go and just continue being good friends with him or do I take the chance and tell him how I feel? I know that it's better to take the chance and tell him, but you see just recently he has been seeing someone that is much younger then himself and really likes her. But yet I still get all these mixed signals from him all the time and I know this 'thing' that he has with this girl won't last very long cause she's still got a lot of growing up too do and he's at about that age where it's almost time to settle down and so am I, so what do I do? (FYI: I have just read that book entitled 'He's Just Not That Into You' and basically if I listen to what that says, I should just move on and if my friend really liked me he would show it instead of just putting me on the back burner as they say cause he knows that I'm gonna be there for him.) So I'm really confused now, if you could help me out that would be great!! I'd appreciate it!
~Mixed up Girl~
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Girl, I'm going through the same thing. My best friend (he is bi, but is going gay)and I talk for hours every night, and always flirt. He tells me he loves me all the time and makes me feel good. Everyone teases us too. SO i wrote him this letter telling him how I feel, but let him know that it would be okay if he didn't feel the same. I still love him and want to be friends wil thim. We talked it over (sort of) and things remained the same. I thought he wasn't ready for me. He always tells me I'm too innocent for him and stuff. We spent Christmas eve and Christmas together with each other's family, and he kissed me that night. He said, I love you. You're my big sister. I was heart broken. A week later, he met a guy. He called me to tell me that he's perfect for him. I know it wont last, but now I feel like a fool. He still thinks the world of me, but at least I took a chance. I know that I would be beating myself if I didn't take the chance. Since we are such good friends, it didn't feel awkward, but it sure feels like s**t to be on the backburner, but at least I know that it wan't meant to be.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer