I Got Violent after Drinking - He Left
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I dated the man of my dreams for a year and a half. Everything was going well until my depression snuck back in. I started birth control pills, and was taking other ephedra based pills. Two nights ago, I blacked out from too much drinking and got into a physical and emotional fight with him. Authorities were involved...
It was so out of the blue, I don't know where that behavior came from (I've never been physical with anyone)!! I am not sure what I can do. I know this sounds like such a terriable situation. But I don't know how to get any closure...and I'm dying inside because he was all I've ever wanted. He said the same, but never wants to risk that kind of a thing again.
He wants no contact with me whatsoever. And I am angry too, but eventually want to try again.
I'm seeking councelling, but I really don't know where all that came from.
Help please, I'm so confused. (He told me he had bought a ring before all this happened)
Do you think I should leave him alone and never call??
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
I am currently in a fight with my girlfriend, and I understand exactly what you and your boyfriend are going through. However, if you are sorry for what happened and you don't have a history of this kind of behavior, I think your boyfriend might be a little hasty to call it all off. He is probably very hurt right now, because, in his mind, the person he fell in love with is not really the person you are. You need to reassure him that you're only human, and that anything that happened in your moment of weakness was a momentary lapse in judgement.
Remind him of some of the mistakes he has made, but don't use them as a justification for your behavior. Remind him that we all fall, and the important thing is to learn from our mistakes. If he has bought a ring, I doubt he will be so quick to hang up on you, since this represents a major emotional investment, and he will probably want to give it another try. However, since I can not be sure of EVERYTHING that went on, there may be some hidden issues you're not mentioning or are not aware of. Get everything out in the open. Make sure that at the very least, nobody leaves this relationship with unanswered questions.
I'm rooting for you,
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer