Do I have a reason to be jealous?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
I have dated my b/f for 10 years on and off. My b/f and I have never dated anyone else during the whole relationship between breakups. I am 50 and he is 63. In the past when I was in a relationship with this man, I always gave all of myself to my b/f. I never took time out for myself. I have always been a people-pleaser personality. Well the last time I broke up, (I always do the breaking up) I decided to take care of me and find out who I am.
I started taking swing and country line dancing lessons. I just love them both. My dilemma is that my b/f is an excellent swing dancer. He is a perfectionist and there is no room for error when he dances. When we first started dancing, I made a lot of mistakes and he would always give me the eyes to do it right. Because of this I decided to go dancing without him. I need to build up my confidence in learning the steps. So now whatI do is on Friday nights I either go country dancing or swing dancing without my b/f. When we got back together I told him I need my time out with the girls on Friday nights to do movies or dancing. He wasn't too happy about the situation, but he accepted because he wants our relationship to work. When I go out dancing, it is just a dance, nothing else. I don't go out with any of the men. I just dance. And it is so liberating.
My b/f feels that if I can go out, then he should be able to also. So he does and he has every right too. I do. As I said earlier, we have never dated others and we trust each other. But lately, I have been feeling jealous that he is dancing with others and I am also too. I know he won't cheat on me but I still worry. I am sure he worries about the same thing with me. He believes that as a couple we should not have to go to dances separately. I agree, but I can't do it with him right now. Should I be concerned about him dancing with others? He also feels because I am going through menopause that this is just a passing phase. Am I justified in feeling this way? Thanks
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
He Needs to Learn
He may be perfectionistic, but he still needs to learn to feedback to you in a respectful and caring way.
Any feedback that makes you lose confidence is either un-caring or actually abusive.
He needs to learn to treat you better on the dance floor. If there is mutual respect and any equality in this partnership, he needs to be able to take criticism from you graciously. Find a way to ask him to be kinder to you on the dance floor. If he succeeds, both of you can get your needs met together rather than dancing with others just to avoid this unspoken conflict.
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