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He Still Talks to his Ex Wife

We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We love each other. Can you help me understand why he and his ex-wife (who is remarried and has kids), still e-mail each other? They have been divorced for 7 years. No kids, either. I asked him why and he said that, she is part of his past and they dont have to be enemies. He also said there is nothing going on, and he is over her.

I just dont get it. Should'nt she get a life? Should I be angry? Im more confused and hurt. Why do you think this is happening? Is it odd? Please help, Thank you for your time...

User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female
See it for what is is

I know this can be unfomfortable for you, because I have walked and still walk in your shoes--BUT, there are ways to better understand it and accommodate the friendship. My boyfriend is close to his ex-wife and they were married many, many years ago (she was 16 and he was 19). They were married only five years, but as you can see by the age--too young and immature for a marriage. For the past 37 years (yes 37), the ex-wife has sought my boyfriend (her ex), for support, advice...and kept him close by continual "needy" conversations. And, yes, she is currently married. If you can keep everything in perspective and balance, you should be able to see the relationship for what it is. Now, it's when things get out of balance: such as when the ex-wife continually wants to do things with you and your boyfriend (her ex)--such as vacationing, dinner, dancing...THAT's when you need to set boundaries--it's all about boundaries. You are #1 in his life now. If you let the ex-wife KNOW in any way that her friendship with your boyfriend is uncomfortable, she will either back off or cause more grief to you. I say ignor the antics, set your boundaries and just have fun. He's with you now--NOT her right? She may not want him to be with anyone else and may be causing you grief because of this too (I don't know your exact situation). Your boyfriend may also thrive on the added "girly" attention--that being the case--set your boundaries now before you go through the heartache later.

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