even more confused!
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I know I just got a response but something else came up with my friend which I have a crush on. Yesterday I was talking to her and she let me know that she was talking with some guy that she is crazy about but is a big jerk. Last week I took her to the movies because this guy she's crazy about ditched her for something else. So she told me that she likes this guy so much that she doesn't care about taking his crap. She is single but is after this guy, while this whole week I felt she wanted something more than friendship with me, but I guess I took it the wrong way. I'm always there for her and do everything I can for her when she is down or in need of help. I really like her but she feels what I feel for her for another guy. Why do girls go for jerks, why do nice guys always lose? What can I do to let her know I'm the right one for her, the one who cares? How do I get her attention away from the jerk to me? She knows I like her, so is there anything I can do to win her heart over? Anything romantic? I don't want to see her hurt. Need advice.
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
She's Using You
You want the brutal truth? Sheís using you. Some other guy lets her down or hurts her and you are her safety-net, her confidence pick-me-up pill. She knows how you feel about her, and that to keep you coming whenever she calls she says and does things that make it look as though there is hope for a romantic relationship between you guys. You are easy; her ego (yes, girls have them too) needs the challenge that jerks provide, and that -at least for now- is far more important to her than being treat right. She isnít interested in you romantically because you are a doormat.
For example: youíre still trying to get together with her even after she only takes you to a party because she doesnít want to appear a dateless loser, and then leaves you alone with a bunch of people you donít know to go and grind with some random dude. What a classy and caring girl she is! Why, sheís THE perfect match for a decent and caring bloke isn't she?
What she says to you when youíre alone doesnít matter; people lie all of the time, even to themselves: her actions speak loud and clear. And her actions say she isnít a very nice person, at least not to you. And to reverse your question: why are YOU going for someone who doesnít treat you well?
Iím sorry: I know that itís not what you want to hear and maybe even painful, but I feel that itís what you need to hear.
My advice? You donít need to become a jerk, and certainly not for this girl Ďcos she ainít worth it, mate. You just need to respect yourself more; not put girls on a pedestal (no matter how nice they look) if they really donít deserve to be there; develop some backbone when it comes to the opposite sex; and then youíll eventually find someone worthwhile who will treat you right.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer