How to deal with my jealousy?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi well I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 3 months. I've learned while being with him that I'm very jealous but I've always told him it's because of all my past boyfriends have cheated. I'm not jealous if he looks at a another girl but if he looks way to long i mean constantly look back at another girl i get jealous ( i have to admit he's never done this before) But I get extremely jealous if he talks seriously to another girl and is playful with another girl. Why? because it's something he does with me and don't want him to do so with another person.
Now 2 months ago he changed classes and there's a girl there. First he starts talking about the girl and mentions that she waxes now i found it to be an odd conversation to have with a classmate he just met. I got jealous but didn't start being really jealous until i saw this girl. Because he told me she was weird and that she wasn't pretty . Well she's not weird nor not pretty she's very pretty and down to where EVEN I like her.
Now we fought a lot for about 4 months and then we broke up the day he went to her house with a study group to study. A few hours after that a guy told me that my boyfriend didn't know how he felt towards this girl. he didn't deny it. but when we got back together he did deny. now i since he's not the one to tell me what he felt i can't trust him. his excuse is that we were on shaky grounds and that if he told me it would have been worse for the relationship.
I want to know how to deal with the jealousy now because he chose me and it's not like he cheated or is about to but i'm pushing him away and i want to know the best way to deal with this.
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
I agree with Lisa. But I understand what it's like when you feel a potential threat around and have to act like it doesn't bother you. Sometimes it isn't because the other chick is gorgeous or has something you don't, however that is what usually sparks jealousy. But sometimes it's just the flirting that gets to you. When me and my boyfriend are playful with each other and flirt, it's special. So it sucks when he does it with another girl, because then it's not so special. So it makes you question your trust for him. But honestly, it is usually innocent. It's human nature to interact with others in a playful way. It's really something you just have to get over. If it makes you feel better, show your man and that other chick how in love you guys are, and if you want, give him a passionate kiss right in front of her.
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