Has it been my fault all along?



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I are both 18 and have been together for six months. In the beggining things were ok, but then it got worse. He was texting me and then I would text back and he would say "gotta go bye." I fell in love fast because he is that amazing. One time he told me that he was picking me up to go somewhere and 5 minutes before told me his daddy cut his phone off and he never showed up..this is while we were dating. I just found out recently from his dad that that never happened. He apologized. We agreed that when we go somewhere we would call when we got there and when we left and let the other know when we arrive home...just to keep from worrying. Yet he still insists that when he leaves and doesn't text me for three hours I shouldn't get mad because I shouldn't fuss about something so little. I only do it because I worry about him because I care so much. It's not because I woant to be in his business believe me. There have been worse situations and I stuck through him treating me like I didn.t matter because I believed he could change.
Just recently he text my mom and told her that he "loves me to death but if I don't stop getting mad about little things then he doesn't know what to do." If I stop getting upset because he can't fix things after I've asked more than enough times then he will take total advantage of it and use it against me when I do get upset. I so want this to work because he is the best guy and is willing to help anyone. God led us to each other. SOmetimes I just feel like I should stop trying and let him take advantage of that because that's the only thing I know to do. Has the source of our arguments really been my fault all along?




User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Have a Talk


I cannot believe the advice given on this. If you two did not discuss dropping that particular agreement - calling each other when you leave your locations - then you are well within your rights to be worried and bothered that he is making a big deal about it. The fact he shows no care and acts as if you do not matter is worrisome.

I would have a good, long discussion with him. Find out why it bothers him (because, seriously, sending a text saying 'I arrived safe. TTYL' is not that hard.) to keep you updated, and maybe find a happy medium. (As in, maybe only do so when there is bad weather, a very long trip, etc)

It would also be a good time to find out why he seems to view your opinion of your relationship as a problem, as it could be indicative of a future problem. If he doesn't give a damn now, who's to say he won't totally write you off in the future? If he truly cared, he would sit down with you and listen to your concerns, just as you should listen to his.

If he refuses to talk about the (potential) problems, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

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