My Boyfriend Doesn't Instigate Chats
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've writen here a few times about this new guy i'm dating.. well we've been going out for about 2 months now and it still seems like i'm single... I still feel single. I mean he calls me his gf but it's hard for me to call him my bf cuz he doesnt really act like one.. We dont really spend quality time together.. The only time we really hang out i'm stuck sitting somewhere while he's talking to ppl..
And today he didnt text me or anything all day... I know if I didn't text him I wouldnt have received one from him..He explained he was doing something but I mean he couldnt at least tell me good morning or something? It just makes me mad because i've sat down with him 3 or 4 times now and told him i really care about him and i dont want to get hurt.. I even cried..
And what pisses me off even more is we had this talk 2 days ago... He sat there crying and told me he really cares about me n basically told me hes falling for me.. But im kindof iffy about that because he never calls me just to talk.. he never calls me period... He came an saw me for like 10 minutes yesterday and that was it...
He's Indian and his culture is different. He also has a son.. He's introduced me 2 his son and i've even played with his son.. But he cant let me meet his parents.. He's met my family and they adore him.. He says things are hard for him when he's at home cuz his parents are always in his business..
But I really dont know what to do.. I dont feel like i'm getting the affection I really want.. I mean as soon as I see him I completely forget about being mad and he always has a smile on his face.. But thats not enough to forget about the times when i'm not with him.. i dont really know what to do...
He told me he's new to this relationship thing because he hasnt been in one for a while and I recently got out of a really abusive relationship of almost 3 years...
I guess my question is what should I do about this situation? Should I distance myself and wait for him to come around? It's just very hard for me because I feel so alone.. And I want him to be there but he isnt... Please help.... :(
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
A partner is not your entire life
-think logically at the beginning of the relationship if he has the esential basics your looking for but remember we arent perfect beings we are human
-have a mutual relationship (sexual as well)
-always remember the billion fish in the see analogy
-You shouldn't have to fully rely on anyone till marriage this is the world remember i mean FULLY
- self moving not moved by someone else the whole time
-the person is a PART of your life not all of it
-a counselor isnt as uncommon as you think
-more people then you know see a counseler its just there buisness
-be secure with yourself before you can handle someone else
- deal with the undealable darkest stuff that haunts your conscious or unconcious before you your in a full relationship
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer