Feeling insecure.just need advice
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
Ok, I've been dating/living with my boyfriend for 4 years now, and its been kinda rocky lately. I guess within the last 2 years or so, I kinda gave up going out with my friends,etc. And that has made me become really insecure in my relationship, cause hes from out of state and use to fast pace, so he wants to still hang out all the time with or w/o me. So, anyway that brings me to my main concern-he had a lot of friends before he met me, most of them girls. And just recently i've been looking at his emails(i know this is bad), and i found out that he started talking to an ex(which is out of state). Now, from what i've read(what wasnt deleted),the emails are'nt sexual...but he tells her that he cares about her even though their lives have gone in different directions and she asks him for pics---stuff like that! And also I know they talk on phone. I questioned him once about it, but he gets mad and says nothing's going on and there just friends, and she keeps him in contact with other old friends. Should I be concerned or worried? This is really making me sick to my stomach and very insecure, Please help me!
User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Male
you deserve to be happy
Lets face it we are all human here. If anyone continues to be in contact with an ex girlfriend or lover or spouse it is simply not fair or appropriate for the other person, especially if it is an ex lover. You being uncomfortable about this is a normal, understandable and acceptable reaction.
I dont buy this excuse about him contacting her to keep in contact with other friends... why cant he get the other friends email address and leave his ex out of it. Why the phone calls... he needs to respect you and be considerate.
Bottom line is , you deserve to be happy and secure in the relationship. If he wont agree to be considerate of your feelings then you need to find someone that is and move on. Give him a chance to show you if he agrees to.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer