Husband never says "Sorry"
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
i been married for three years and i have 2 year old son. my husband has a very bad ego problem. everytime we get into an argument he never comes to me even when its his mistake. i always tried explaining to him that we should solve our problem the same night no matter how big the problem is and he keeps on saying yes but when time comes he doesn't do anything.. when i try to remind him about the promise he tells me that it was me who forced him to make the promise. i been trying to explain him for three years that we are adults now and we have kid, we should solve our problems the same day or next day the latest cuz its not healthy.. every time we get into fight i m the one who has to go to him and open the topic and try to explain him even when its his mistake.. sometimes i try to give him time but he never comes to me.. i wait for one week and during this time we don't talk nothing... after one week when i go to him and ask him what did he get by not saying sorry, he says he was fine and didn't miss me at all..
i just don't know how to explain him... half of the time our fight are not serious... two days ago we got into little argument.. he drives rough and i keep on telling him not to do it, so when he was driving this girl was trying to cross and he didn't see her and i asked him to stopped and he brake really hard so i got mad at him and i only said that y do u drive so rough, can't u drive solve and he got mad over that and stopped talkin to me. its been two days we are not talking..... i m lossing my patient now.....
he is a nice guy but when he does this i feel like he doesn't care about me, if i stay sad or if i cry.... during our argument somtimes i cry cuz he doesn't come to me, and my crying doesn't effect him.... he will act like he didn't see me crying..
i don't want to leave him just because of this, please advice what should i do to make him understand.... i have tried explaining him million times but he is not getting it.. my friends tells me that i should leave him hanging and one day he will realize...
another problem is that i live in joint family - its me, my husband, his younger brother, my son and my mother in law.... my mother in law always try to compete with me but my husband doesn't see it and he doesn't like ot hear anything against his mom.. she always try to ruin my plans and my husband doesn't say anything... sometimes i feel like my husband cares about his mom more than me and my son.. we have store which my mother in law runs, and he helps her after work.. he remembers everything about store but can't remember stuff about me and my son... when i ask him y, he goes because store is store.... when i ask him about his priority, he has no answer.... when we are happy, we are very happy together...
please help me with this problem...
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
I have the same problem. My husband sees "I'm sorry" as calling himself bad so he can't seem to do it. Last night we got home late and our dog had had an accident on our nice rug. I was worried and wanted him to go borrow carpet foam from our good friends down the street. I was on the floor with a hot towel trying to keep the spot wet until he got back with the foam. 10 min or so go by and he isn't back....I emailed his iphone telling him to hurry. He didn't call or show up so then I call him....he answers the phone and says he is still there having a beer on the back porch and that our friends didn't have any carpet cleaner. I found it stunning that he didn't have the consideration to CALL me and tell me that. As I was still on the floor waiting for him to return with the carpet cleaner. I told him to please get some carpet cleaner and come home. He did not. I called again as 2 am is approaching on our "date night" and he lets our friend answer the phone and tell me MY OWN HUSBAND is not available. I was amazed at how inconsiderate my husband could be to me. I locked our bedroom door because I knew how mad I was and I didn't want a huge late night fight. Again, he comes home at 2:30 and does not go to the guest room. He unscrews the door handle and breaks in so of course we get in a huge fight because he WILL NOT admit how rude he was or how inconsiderate he was to not call me. In fact, he not only won't say he is sorry he calls me psycho, crazy, and much more. He said something so horrible I tried to slap him and he blocked me and fought back. He then grabbed me by the arms and threw me out of my own bedroom. He rather do this and have a horrible fight rather than just come home and say....."I am sorry I left you hanging and didn't call to update you". And it begs the question....why was he so rude to keep me hanging and not call. Little things have been building up for the last two weeks. He comes home from work and stays on his iphone all evening or watches tv. I never have a chance to talk with him. He ignores me completely when I talk to him. He gets plenty of time to go play poker or hit balls at the driving range but gives nothing as a husband to me. I mean love, attention, things women need. I need a little romance, a little affection now and then, and at least some respect and consideration. Last night was the last straw. I was so annoyed with how inconsiderate he has been lately. Even while we were socializing with our friends that night he was on his iphone most of the time. I just don't know who he is anymore. He got up this morning and left the house. Didn't speak to me...did not say he was sorry. He grew up with a mom that would never tell her kids they did anything wrong. She is one of those my kids do no wrong moms. I am wondering if this is going to ruin our marriage. We went to therapy and he never applied anything he learned. He just seems to care less and less about this marriage and I am wondering if it is going to get worse and I am going to have to leave. I have been so alone these last few weeks. I have no partner, no one to talk to, no best friend, no protector, nothing he promised he would be as a husband. Did I marry the wrong man?
And he won't go back to a councilor with me...he thinks it is stupid. I don't know what to do anymore.
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