I slept with my teacher
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I chose the category "I want my ex back" although I'm not quite sure yet if that's what I'd want.
When I was 16 and still in highschool, to cut a long story short, I fell into flirting with my school teacher and quite quickly, flirting became kissing when nobody was around. In my 11th year in high school I spent it being sneaky with Mr Teacher and taking every opportunity we could get to kiss, cuddle and get some alone time. He was the man I lost my virginity to, so I guess that adds to why he is so hard to forget.
I didn't know it at first, but he was married and had a baby. When I found out we were going steady and things were just "fun," somebody noticed me, that I, regretfully, kept it going.
The next year after I graduated we were still sneaking around, when my dad caught us.....in the act. We still saw each other a few times after that, he left his wife and he stuck with me. We were very close, we planned our future together and talked about absolutely everything. The situation was far from ideal, but the relationship we shared seemed so strong and we were so in love.
Everything in our relationship seemed perfect, except our status and who we were, that nobody would ever fully understand.
Naturally he kept seeing his wife, for contact with his daughter, but she (understandably angry) would control him, if she knew we had plans she would ruin them by springing him with babysitting, there were weeks where he'd tell her about every date we had planned, and naturally she would sabotage them. I don't blame her, she was the biggest victim (and their daughter)but I kept asking him to stop telling her about our plans.
It got frustrating and my parents were clearly never going to accept us dating, I was fed up with the sneaking around so, although I still loved him and was inlove with him, I broke up with him.
He cried and didn't understand and kept asking for an explanation, I tried to explain but there was never one big thing so I don't think he even gets it now. We kept in touch for awhile, but it got too hard. I think it got too hard because we both still loved each other. Now it's been four years, and I am still thinking of him!!!! I can't get him out of my mind, isn't that crazy.
I know there are a lot of factors, he was my first love, I lost my virginity to him, we were seeing each other for four years and however wrong the situation was, we had an intense relationship and loved each other dearly. I could never go back to him, it would break so many hearts, but I just can't seem to get my head around him. Is he over me?
I have been thinking of calling him to meet up with him to chat, would that be wrong, four years later? In the back of my mind though I am scared that would lead to sex and, although I would love that during the moment, I think it could create more serious problems after.
Is it easier to get closure by seeing him and talking to him, or is it easier if you distance yourself? I am also scared if I ever did ask him, he would still be saying that he never understood why we broke up in the first place and try and get back together, but I couldn't hurt my family like that again. Ideally if I was alone on this planet I would still be with him, but it hurts too many people. It seems easier for me to hurt missing him than everybody else.
Sorry this is a long one, I am just all over the place. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!! (Should I see a shrink??! Another thing I have thought about...)
(PS PLEASE KEEP MY EMAIL ADDRESS PRIVATE!!)
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
Sometimes we romaticize the past, because we are lonely and unfulfilled with where we are now. Chances are if you got back together with him it wouldn't be long until you remembered why you left. That's not to say you shouldn't do it. Sometimes we need go through it before we can see throught it.
On another note, I can understand why you left him. You wanted to move forward and start a life with him, but he was stuck in his old life, catering to his wife and her demonic nature. Maybe if you could communicate that to him, he could change. Perhaps you could give him the option of choosing you or his old life with his wife and child. If he was smart he would choose you and let them go.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer