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My wifes best friend is a guy



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Im in the military and havnt been married that long. She lives like 1900 miles away. After we got married i come to find out that one of her best friends is a guy, she dated him a couple of times back before i met her, she claims that they never kissed or had a serious relationship. But I feel that there was somekind of attraction at one time other wise they wouldnt have went out. She goes to clubs with him and wathces his dog when he goes to work. He bought her a phone for christmas ( I made her give it back) and pizza for her family at one time. I love her very much and I have since resolved the problem with them talking all the time and going out together. But she still brings up the fact that i dont trust her, its not that i dont trust her its that im a guy and i know how guys think. I think he liked her and was still trying to get her "you want what you cant have". Was i right for breaking them two apart should i have been so concerned about him hanging with my wife all the time? Or should i have let it play out and see what happened. Also she keeps wanting me to meet him or talk on the phone with him three way and that everything will be cool when i do. But i already dislike the guy.





User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
He didn't get upset


I'm a guy whose best friend is a girl, and let me tell you your reaction is really not that surprising. Men have a difficult time believing that there is no ssexual attraction between the two of us, that it is purely a platonic love.
That being said, you really ought to meet him. One of the best ways of disarming the best friend who is a guy is to meet him. You should be nice to him and trust him about their relationship until you meet him and can form your own opinion, because news flash: they were friends before you married and if he is her best friend she already trusts him.
You admit to already disliking the guy, so you've put yourself at a comparative disadvantage here. So long as he treats you with a measure of civility, your hostility towards him makes you look like a jerk in her eyes.
My best friend and I have been that way for 15 years, ever since we were in high school. She dated abour 7 or 8 guys before meeting the man who is now her husband. You know what he did differently than the rest? He wanted to meet me within a week of them starting to date, he didn't get all upset or jealous that I was best friends with his girlfriend, and he never once attempted to break our friendship up. So frankly I don't think you're doing it right here - you're setting yourself up for failure if you continue along this way.
Best of Luck,
Joe

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