Help me understand
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 18 months and have been living together for a year. I am in love with him and he tells me he loves me too and says he would be “absolutely devastated” (his words) if I were taken away from him.
Every few months he becomes distant. He stops texting me 30+ times a day, we fall into a routine where we are still there for each other, we still talk, we still live together. But he stops doing all the “little” things that shows me that he is still in love and still attracted to me.
We are very open and can talk about anything. So I have asked him what is going on and I do not understand his answers. I will type his answers below and I would like if someone could help me understand what may be going on and if there is anything that he or I could do to make these phases go away.
He says (during his distant and confused moods)
“I love you but sometimes I wonder if I am in the right place”
“Sometimes I ponder what it would be like to be single, I love you and don’t want to replace you, but maybe I am supposed to be alone forever just like … (a family member)”
“I feel empty, almost emotionless”
“I feel bored with my life, like I am stuck”
We have talked about breaking up and have decided that we want to be together and that breaking up would cause pain and a situation that neither of us want to be in. We want to be together.
I have spoken to him about just leaving and letting him work all this out and he begs me to stay, and since I really don’t want to leave, I don’t.
Any help out there for us?
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
I was in a relationship like this (exactly) for 3 years and he ha now just left me for somebody else. I do feel he had these feelings as he did not truly love me and was basically just waiting for (what he thought) something better to come along.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer