Do I like him, does he like me, and what about my boyfriend?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
It all started at my first year of band camp.
There was a boy there - his name will be "J" for now - who I met through my best friend (her name will be "ree"). He was ree's crush at the moment, so I stayed away from him.
When band camp was over, ree and J were going out. I felt happy for ree, and nothing else, since I had a boyfriend of my own whom I loved (note for later: my boyfriend goes to a different school, but we live very close to each other). I still didn't socialize with J, though. I personally thought he was a jerk to others, and that he didn't know his boundaries, being a first-timer in a relationship.
It wasn't until after the New Year that I became more acquainted with him. The day we got back from Winter Break, he suddenly tried to start a conversation with me during lunch (we have the same group of friends, so we sit by each other a lot). Most of the subjects were ordinary and casual - i.e. What's up? How's life? What do you think we'll do in Japanese class? - until:
J - "...Hey, I've never hugged you before, have I." (It was more of a statement than a question)
me - "...Yeah, so? Why would you want to hug me? You have a girlfriend, anyway."
J - "Well, yeah, but...you're just..really cute, and....." (He mumbled the next few words before fading off)
ree and J silently broke up about a week later.
After that, J and I became closer as acquaintances, and we eventually became friends. we talk to each other more often (sometimes even about personal matters), tease each other, etc.
And here's the problem:
Lately, though, he's been sending little hints of him possibly like-liking me (ex: he gave me an unexpected hug, pats me on the head, leaned his arms on my shoulders...). However, whenever I take some of those hints a little more seriously, he goes back to flirting with ree (According to ree, J still might have feelings for her. they still have 3/4-hour-long conversations on the phone many days of the week).
J knows that I have a boyfriend, and that I don't intend on breaking up with him anytime soon...but because I hang out with J a lot during school (and because of his "hints"), I think I might be developing feelings for him (but I'm not entirely sure).
Is this a sign that I need to move on? Do I really have a crush on J/Does J possibly like me? How can I be sure of my/J's feelings? What should I do about my boyfriend?
In all essence...what should I do, overall?
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
Stay with him
I think if you really love your boyfriend than stay with him. But if you fell you need to move on then tell j how you fell and hope he fells the same way :)
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer