RE: I want to move on...but its too hard.
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
To they guy who wrote,"I want to move on...but its too hard" i had to try to get this posted so you could read it. Why? Because ive walked a mile in your shoes and there is something i can tell you about your position.
Ive been in your situation before.
I did it for 5 years. I wont give you the long story, but its virtually the same except that the girl i liked werent overseas and got in deeper than you and A seem to have, your scenario is similar to my old one including how it interferes with my other relationships when i see the other girl.
I always wonder, is that the love of my life? And i always hope that somehow we will hook up. But guess what? After 5 years of being there for her, and fighting, and doing what a boyfriend should do for a girl, and paying a price, and loving her, and being there for her, she just keeps hooking up with losers for rebounds. Everytime we were both single i would rush off to go get her and it didnt matter, she was always looking at a quick rebound guy to feel better.
Here is the only thing i can tell you, straight from me a guy whos been in your shoes, and actually had it go worse.
NO SINGLE girl on this planet is the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. There is no "one", if that was the case, millions wouldnt ever find true love or happiness, because we might not even ever MEET that "one" person. This is going to be hard for you to understand or accept. It will be. Because you've been through alot with her and really care for her, and are dying to just have one chance. But at the end of the day, she is just going to keep walking away from you to other guys until you just cant take it anymore.
I cut the "one" girl out of my life for 3 months. Got happy again and waited patiently to see who i would meet next.Met a great girl and we've been dating for a year and a half and its so much more than i couldve ever expected.
You know what happened to "the one" that i used to love? She messed up her life big time, which is heartbreaking, but im not going to feel sorry for her anymore, because she had years to give me just 1 date, just 1 walk, 1 dinner and a movie, and she didnt feel like it, even though i really loved her and showed it, unlike the losers shed date who would sleep with her, take from her and then break it off and hurt her.
THIS GIRL (A) seems like the one, but isnt the one, there is no such thing, if you finally put some space between you and (A) and you will meet somebody very special one day. Or else just follow (A) until she gets engaged to some loser and it breaks your heart big time. That pain hurts worse than can predict.
GET AWAY from (A). This isnt fair to you, even though you care about her so much for so long you are willing to wait and wait, you are missing out on life. THATS NOT FAIR TO YOU.
You dont have to cut A out of your life, but try not speaking with her for a while. You dont have to delete her msn or # just block her for a little bit. Just a couple of months to clear your head, then go out looking for a different girl, relax and let things happen. If you need to explain this to A then do so, and ask her to understand that you need a little time to yourself, and that this is going to be very hard to do because you love her so much.
Do this and you'll meet somebody much better than A. The other girl, C, is also being mistreated, and dont be surprised if she gets mad at you for still liking A. Its not fair to her that you started dating her while you still loved A. How would you feel in her position. Think about it.
Get away from A, clear your head, and you will see things differently and be able to move on.
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
Thanks... I know what I am going to do now.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer