Friends with Benefits or Dating?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
This year is my first year in high school. My social life is changing, and i need some advice. I have this friend, let us call her 'Chip' and Chip fell for a boy which we will call 'Dan', a year older than us, and known as a player. Dan started talking to her online. In the end, they talked a little in school. One thing finally led to another, and they went further then friends, not quite dating though, because he told her he only wanted to be 'friends with benefits'. After going already way too far, she stopped it.
Now, they dont talk anymore as it is too awkward.
Recently, he has been talking to me online, complimenting me a lot. He makes me feel good. Dan and another friend of mine, 'Kitty', who is also his friend, have been talking about us. Kitty is afraid he might want the same from me as he did from Chip. He denies this however, and he told her he thinks im much more gorgeous than Chip, and that Chip only had a pretty body, but i had the face and body. Kitty who is worried about me has been quite distant. I decided i wouldent try and be someone else, and i am making him know me as i am. I showed pictures of me as i was 3 years ago and he was saying they were really 'cute'. Kitty is really mad at him for talking to me. She told him not to try anything on me, and threatened him. I want to decide for myself however. I told him online to tell Kitty he'd never try anything on me. And he said it would be a lie. I like talking to him because he has a lot of conversation, unlike many boys. He likes eight girls in my grade, and id be one of them. In the past, ive only gone up to makeout, and i always took things at my pace, so im a little frightened. We talked in school for the first time the other day, and it went good. Id like to know what i should or shouldent do...
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
dont be friends with benifits just be friends.
If he does not like you for you than he does not deserve you. I know I have been there with the whole friends with ben thing and in the long run when one person calls it off it hurts and you dont deserve it. You will only be setting yourself up for desaster.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer