Did I make a mistake?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I think I had already asked a question but I forgot some keys points. I met my ex this past january through work he was six years older than me and had a two year old daughter with his previous girlfriend but he didnt drive. I was so happy with him and he seemed really happy with me. He told me he had never been so happy and that he was so comfrontable with me and he thought we were meant to be. One day I wanted to see pictures of his daughter and went on his myspace which had a pic of me (no pics of the ex) on there which under it was a comment from his ex that read "aw thats just adorable" i told him and he said she was just bitter and he deleted her and blocked her fom his page. I went on her page and there was a slideshow of the baby which included pictures of him and her before the baby was born and right after. They had broken up and she still had these photos. I freaked out and went to work where he was coming. the babys mom had dropped him off at work. I couldnt talk to him I was so mad why was she driving him there?? but our boss was there and he wanted to see the baby so she came with the baby and she was picking the baby up from his house so she drove him with her to work. He knew i was mad and i ignored him he tried to talk to me i was just so mad and went home. after thinking about it I texted him and said i was sorry for freaking out and he said it was ok. Time passed and we were fine i met all his friends but none of his family. So the day after we first slept together he was at work i was off and my sister who worked there told me he was acting weird and all quiet so i saw him he seemed fine and stayed with him but then went home. the next day I went to work thinking he would be there but he hadnt returned any of my texts from earlier i went to work expecting some stupid excuse except he wasnt there someone told me he was at the hospital. i went to see him and i was with him and he told me his mom was coming i hadnt met her and from what i had known she was kind of mean so i left but while i was there he would let me touch his phone he freaked out on me when i did i asked him what he didnt want me to see he said it was nothing. i had a suspicion right then. But he was laying in a hospital bed i didnt want to fight or break up with him while he was there. i went to see him the next day and stayed with him all day but then he got transfered to a larger hospital far away. then he disappered. no one could find him for days. in the mean time his daughters mom sent me myspace messages telling me how they got together all the time behind my back. and how they would go out to eat and she didnt want him to be lying to me and cheating on me with her and that she wanted to know what he told why he was in the hospital (evidently he already told her and not me) i didnt want to know anymore i was heart broken. she seemed right but i didnt know her...i talked to his best friends one told me he had heard something about them being together the other denied everything and told me that he didnt want me to go and that i was the best girlfriend he had and started tearing the babys mom aprat he apparently did not like her at all. i told him that if he got a hold of my boyfriend that if was to come into work then i would walk out on him. my ex had got the news from his best friend and texted me two hours before he was supposed to come into work and asked me if i would walk out on him i said yes and he didnt respond nor come into work he did that for three days he would text me i would say yes then wouldnt come. i finally decided to talk to him he needed to support his daughter. i convinced him to come into work and i wouldnt walk out and i asked him why he was in the hospital he told me he tried to committ suicide i asked him why if he was happy with me? he told me he didnt know. i was shocked what could i say? he came back to work the following monday.(two days later) i walked into work where he was already there and didnt talk to him i was so mad. he asked me if i wanted to talk i said no. then i broke down after 4 hours and talked to him he was all flirty and told me that he was going over a mutual friends house (its a guy) i was like ok whatever. i walked out of work and went home he texted me and asked me what i was doing i was asleep so i didnt respond then he texted me again and asked if there was ever going to be another chance between us i didnt respond i was still asleep then he called me i woke up and we talked for a few hours about how i was so mad at him for what he had done and he told me he didnt do anything and that yes they went out to eat once so he could give her money for the baby and he kissed her in the hospital like a mom kiss. but that this is what she does with his new relationships. she tries to destroy them by saying these things and that he was angry because i was believeing her instead of him...yet some of her messages seemed so right. it still bothered me. so for the next few days at work we were fine we werent together and he would flirt with the girls at work when i was there. i was mad but i held it in. then our boss had asked his ex to work at our store i found out and said "i quit". he flipped out and fought with me for three days literally begging me to work and that he knew this didnt sit well with me but to at least come in after her shift was over and he wanted me to stay and not quit because i "was a good worker". i was so mad i didnt even want to step foot in that store i threw my uniform at him and walked out. then he told me he found a replacement i told him i hoped she worked out and i hoped he was finally happy. he wouldnt return any of my texts after i left. i found out when he and the ex were working together they were acting all flirty in front of my sister and she told me about it. i was disgusted. i just told myself to forget him hes trash. i then had to take my sister to work and he saw me and stared me down i drove off i was hoping he wasnt there. my mom went to pick her up and she said he kept looking in her car to see if i was in there but i wasnt and he kept looking over to check then went home. his best friend later came online that night and asked me if i wanted to party at his house i said no i didnt even want to see him. but i had checked my ex's myspace page which he had titled "i say five vowels and three syllables they are unnoticed but your so dreamable" he had his ex as his friend again. then litterally two weeks after i left and the last time he saw me he quit his job. i hadnt heard anything from him or anyone related to him for three months then his best friend randomly talks to me online asking me to come over for a party i said no thanks. he hasnt talked to me since. I dont know it seems like my ex had cheated but i cant prove anything. it makes me mad because i was so happy and he took that all away. sometimes i feel like i did the right thing then sometimes i feel like i should have given him another chance. im unsure and i havent talked to him in three months i try so hard to get him out of my mind and just forget him but it seems impossible i dont know what to do.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Dump him and Enjoy life
Sweetheart I dated a grimey cheating dog who I gave way too many chances cause I loved him, and tried to break up with him a few times before I finally kicked the habit so I know how you feel. The very best advice I can give you is let him go and move on with your live to bigger and better things. Let him live with himself and his baby-mama-drama cause from what you had to say it sounds like he was cheating, and most dudes like that stay like that: cheating dogs. It'll take awhile to heal up your heart and take the pain away, but you're a young single lady, have fun with friends and enjoy life.
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