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A Love Quote
True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity. -- Helen Rowland

He Still Pines for his Ex

We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
For the last two years I dated a guy that couldn't get over his ex-girlfriend. He waffled back and forth between us, but he always came back to me. He didn't date her over these two years, but continuously talked with her about the possibiltiy of getting back together with her. I know I should have left if he couldn't make up his mind, but I didn't. I'm really not sure why I allowed myself to go through that. Deep down we both knew our relationship wouldn't work, but we stayed together probably out of the fear of being alone.

Well, one month ago we broke it off and he started dating a different ex, his highschool sweetheart. Here's the hard part. He wants to stay friends. We really are the best of friends and I would hate to lose that. But he always goes back and forth between his ex's and I'm afraid he may veer back in my direction one day.

I don't want him to be the one for me, but I fear I'm so lonely that I'd go back even after all this. It's also hard to be his friend because when we get together his phone rings and it's his new girlfriend. It just feels so weird.

I know it's right to not be dating him, but it hurts to see him talking to her and loving her when I can't touch him anymore or say "I love you." Isn't that funny? My mind knows we shouldn't be together, but my heart isn't catching up to my mind. I still get hurt even though I don't want him to be the one for me. So how do I stay friends or should I?

User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
Proud of you

I just feel proud of you. I think what you are going through is really tough. I'd be really mean and nasty to the guy. Why are you so nice? It doesn't infuriate you? or you think it's best to be nice so you do it?

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