How can I fix this.
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My wife and I have been together for 5 years. We've been married for 3. When I first got together with her she had an eight month old son. I have taken him in as my own and raised his since infancy. His father comes and goes as he pleases and really doesn't care about him. We have also had a son of our own. He is 1 1/2. In the past 2 months things have spiraled out of control. I found out my wife had been cheating on me for about 3 weeks. I packed the kids up and went to my mother's. In the middle of the night I decided to come home and try to work things out. I found her in bed with a DIFFERENT guy. After I beat his ass I let him leave. I have moved back into the house because I want to try and mend what we have and because the kids need stability. We were truly happy and I just don't know what happened. She doesn't seem like the same person I married and she has arrainged to get some counceling for herself. When she was 11 she was raped. I'm not a therapist but I'm under the impression that some of this is stemming from that. She was having nightmares about it recently. I know that you are not professionals and that you may not have all the answers I seek but I just want to know how I can rebuild this without pushing her farther away. She says she feels nothing and Im trying to give her time and space. I know that I can't force her to love me and right now Im trying to be her friend. I have known her for the better part of 10 years and she is not acting like herself. I know that i have to be here for her even if she doesn't realize that herself. How can I start the healing proccess without it coming across as pressure to get back together with me? I can't bear the thought of splitting up our family. My step son looks to me as his father but I have no legal rights to him. I don't want to remove the only father figure he really has and make him feel like he doesnt matter. At the same time I truly love my wife and we have had a generally happy marriage. I can forgive her for the things that she has done to me. I just need to know how to rebuild our love. I know that you may not be able to answer what I am asking for but any advise you could give would be appreciated. I feel lost without my wife's touch. Thank you for yout time.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
I posted the original question. My wife is still seeing the first guy she slept with. I'm apparently going to go through a divorce.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer