We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
I am a 20 yr old female in a year and 1/2 long relationship. We love eachother but we constantly have communication problems and constant fights about the same topics. I always seem to bring the subject up whenever something reminds me of it and all my boyfriend ends up all irritated and angry and saying, "NOT THIS AGAIN!" and seems to end up with both of us not talking or him saying, "I dont want to deal with this, I'm going home." Then after a period of time everything seems to be forgotten and goes back to our normal silly selves. It usually flares up from a small situation and he thinks im being ridiculious.. but I really think these ridiculious little fights are actually something of a bigger meaning but he doesn't seem to understand that. I keep telling him I always bring it up because it really bothers me and why he just can't discuss it with me and talk it through so we can make our relationship better. He sitll just ignores me and doesn't want to communicate. I tried everything from telling him Communication is key to a relationship to if you want to see what happens if we don't communicate then thats your decision. It so seems that i figured out that he has some problems sharing his Thoughts and Feelings to ANYONE..his family, friends, ME! He can't seem to open up to me enough but yet I have no problem opening up to him. What pisses me off the most is when he GENERALIZES and I tell him to be more specific but he never seems to get the point, even if I ask him a question directly about the subject. I always seem to have to ask him the question directly for him to tell me or else he wouldn't tell me about it at all. This is what we agrue about most and yet he still does not comprehend anything I say of the matter. I have come to the point where I just given up opening up to him and telling him what i feel and think anymore because he has not done the same. I also been having second thoughts about our relationship and think that maybe we weren't meant to be together and we're completely opposite from one another. He's just too careless&laidback and I'm more of a responsible wellbeing. I guess it's more because he is just too simplitic and I'm just too complex.. What should I do?
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
I just wanted you to know that I am having the same exact problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for over 2 and 1/2 years and he does not know how to communicate. He just keeps doing the same exact thing over and over that makes me mad. Everytime I tell him to not do it again he says okay but then it happens again within a week. His problem is that he tells me he is going to do something, like come over, and hours later when he still hasn't done it, I get mad. He tells me he will do stuff all the time and then just doesnt do it. I asked him why he just can't tell me he will be late or let me know if he isn't going to come over and he said it is because I will get mad and by not calling at all, at least he won't have to deal with me being mad at that time. I tell him that is better than me being even more mad by waiting around forever for him. It is just an on-going cycle and this past week I got to the point where I really couldn't take it anymore. Anyway, I don't know what I should do but maybe I should just accept the fact he is irresponsible and can't help being late to everything. Guys don't think like we do and I guess he is just too inconsiderate to realize his actions affect others more than he thinks.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer