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A Love Quote
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain



My girlfriend says she doesn't love me anymore



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Ok, I'll try to keep this short. A couple weeks ago, I was really upset at my girlfriend and was text messaging one of my guy friends telling him why I was so upset at my girlfriend. In that text message I called my girlfriend a bad name. It starts with the third letter of the alphabet and, although I didn't realize it at the time, is pretty much the worst name you can call a girl. Anyway, my girlfriend was going through my phone (I let her, simply forgetting I had sent the text) and she read the text message. This was about a week after I had sent it by the way. So, she was understandably upset, but I think, has overreacted a little. I realize what I did was terrible, and after I saw how it affected her, I felt worse about it than anything in my life. I apologized until I was blue in the face and explained to her how upset I was when I said that and that I didn't mean it of course. She seriously thought about breaking up with me over it, which I thought was overreacting, considering we supposedly loved each other. But now, it has been five days since the incident and I've been telling her I love her but she won't say it back, she said she doesn't feel that way anymore and it could take time. To me, this is pure garbage. I told her I could understand how she might not like me, especially right after she found out about it, but for her to say she doesn't love me anymore is stupid and I honestly think she is doing this to try to hurt me like I hurt her, or she didn't truly love me to begin with, which I brought up to her and she got really angry. I just don't know what to do. I know what I did was awful, but I think she is being unreasonable. I explained to her that it was something I said at the time because I was upset, and that people say things they don't mean when they are upset, but she says it doesn't matter because I still said it anyway. I have been nothing but sorry for my actions and have explained to her that nothing like this will ever happen again. I know in my heart that when I said this I wasn't thinking, I just used it to get the point across that I was very upset. I had honestly not given the incident a second thought until she was reading it on my phone and I saw her reaction. So, I was wondering, about her saying she doesn't love me, if I am overthinking this, or maybe is it possible she doesn't love me anymore? In my mind I just don't think that love is something that can be shattered by someone calling someone a name. Am I wrong here? What should I do about all this?
P.S. I should add that we are on the right path and she says that she is going to try to move past this and continue seeing me and things are starting to get back to normal. Right now it is just this "love" thing.




User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
Get out


No one ever deserves for one of their loved ones to tell them that they don't love them anymore, except on rare occasions e.g. cheating. I still loved my girlfriend even after she cheated on me and I still do, but recently she told me she didn't love me anymore. I still love her and I don't think anyone ever deserves to go through the pain I'm going through now. Especially not for something as minuscule as you calling her a name. She doesn't deserve your love, and I think you should do your best to get out of the relationship. She either never loved you or she is playing with your head, and in either case it would be best for you to get out of the relationship if you can.

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