MAJOR TEARING OUT OF THE HEART!!!
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I met my husband 14 years ago and we've been married for 12 yrs. We have 2 beautiful girls ages 8 and 4. He has cheated on me several times before. His excuse was that he wasn't ready for marriage and still wanted to play the fields. Just recently I came across an email address of his that I had no knowledge of. I was searching craigs list for various items. When trying to inquire about things I kept getting an error message with an email address that I never knew of. Curiosity arose and I just had to know why this was so secretive. I played around for awhile until I was able to get into the email. There were emails from his ex. Ok we're talking about 2 married people.He went out last weekend with his friend and his wife(which by the way is her best friend) and so I'm told mysteriously bumped into each other the day he decides to go out with them. In the emails she states how much she have thought about him and that she misses him. My husband on the other hand calls her sweetheart and my love (Exacly what he calls me) He preceeds to tell her that he misses her, he still loves her, and that part of his heart wants to be here ( with me) and the other part wants to be with her. MAJOR TEARING OUT OF MY HEART! He asked her when they could hook up and see each other. She in turn gave him her cell phone number to call. When confronted of course nothing but lies were told. He swore that he didn't see her, that he didn't give her the email address, and that his friend must have been doing this.(of course his friend tried to cover for him) After getting to the bottom of it all, he swears that he loves me and only me, that he was just playing games with her to see how far he could get(that he wasn't actually going to do anything),that everything said to her was just words, and that he wants me and only me. He wants to work on the marriage, but how can you if he can't even tell the truth? He's in his 30's, isn't he a little to old for playing games? Do men actually play games like this without trying to get in the pants? How do you get pass something like this? Is it even possible? Can he really love me and keep doing this to me? I tried talking to him, but he can't seem to answer any of my questions. Should I even give him the time of day after this or should I move on? I'm really tired of hurting. Can you recommend professional help?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
I'm in the same situation and to be honest I believe no human is honest. Once we confront them it just backfires and becomes a cycle of arguments, he makes it so he is the victim when he is the one cheating. Personaly it is a choice of your own whether to stay or go. I stayed the first time I saw an email to his ex about hooking up. Now I find a txt message of a new female, and Im still by him. They feed us lies and we believe it, and we give them a chance to prove their love. The sadest part is that if they were in our shoes, not for a second would they consider giving us a second chance. We would hear it for the rest of our lives. Why should we let these cheating lyers get away so easy.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer