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Love cures people, the ones who receive love and the ones who give it, too. --Karl Menninger



He has been sending me mixed signals- I don't know whether to just give up



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I met this other guy online 3 years ago and we chatted a lot, he is 3 years older than me, I'm 24. Anyway we tried to arrange to meet up on 2 occassions and it would always fail because he cancelled on both occassions, it is understandable as his job is a really busy one and he can be called at any time. So anyway I went to college and we lost contact, when I finished college I started a new job and out of the blue we bumped into each other, it was very random as we are not from the same town, he got a job near where I live. We had never officially met till then as we had only chatted online before we lost contact. So after we randomly met we started chatting to each other on msn a lot then about 4 months later we met up. When we me up we had a really good time, there was a lot of chemistry, we kissed, foreplay etc but we didn't have sex though. I know it was a bit too fast for first meeting especially for me as I am a bit of a prude but it felt comfortable.

Anyways we said we would meet up afterwards, i really wanted to, we always chat online and he always asks me things like are you looking for a boyfriend? are you with someone? I really enjoyed it when we met up, do you see us together? but we always arrange dates and he always cancels, its been a just over a year since we met up. he has cancelled on me over 8 times, I have cancelled on him about 2 times. When hes cancelled on me I have usually been understanding but it recently came to breaking point. on the last 2 occassions when I textd him to see if he wanted to meet up on a day we had a arranged to he ignored my texts. The second time he ignored my text was the final straw, when i saw him online after he ignored my text he said "did you text me and I didn't recieve it?" to me and to anyone else thats obviously a lie. so i said yeh i did, i thought you just didn't reply and he insisted he didn't recieve it so i said ok. then he said so can we meet up on such a day, i thought its time to end this non functional relationship so i said "I'm not sure as we have tried so many times and it hasn't worked" then he said he will guarantee it this time so i said ok but I didn't bother texting him on the day or following it up in any way as I was too annoyed, i kinda stood him up. One other thing is that we only ever chat on msn, he never texts, calls or anything, he expects me to text him each time we have arranged to meet up to check if we are still meeting up.
So since that time i decided to put an end to it we haven't spoken to each other, theres a lot of tension, when he is online we just don't speak anymore.

Anyways, I wouldn't careless if i didn't see him ever again if he is truly a horrible person who doesn't care about me. On the other hand I keep thinking about him, I'm just wondering and hoping I made the right decision when I decided to put a stop to all this.

Based on what I told you what do you think he really wants from me? Am i wasting my time on stupid games or is he confused, i have told him i like him but he always said stuff like I hope you still like me, do you still like me?

I don't know if he is someone I would like as a boyfriend but the only reason I have kept this thing going for so long is that I only wanted to date him just to see how we get on and to see whether theres a possibility of a relationship but there hasn't been that chance due to his constant cancelling till I had enough. Basically I just wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt.

Please let me know what you think




User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
What a drag


I feel as if I have been in a similar situation, but I can tell you this.

I agree that even though it may be painful, it may be one of the best things you can do for yourself, is to do your best to try and cut all EMOTIONAL ties to this person, so you will not be hurt anymore. I don't mean to stop totally talking to that guy, but to make sure that your EMOTIONS are not tied up into him when you do. Keep your distance. That way, it won't hurt as much, and also, you can sort of view everything that has happened between the two of you, from a distance, and you will see exactly how much YOU were probably putting into this relationship and he WASN'T, and you weren't getting any emotional happiness back in return. It sounds like you GAVE a lot, TRIED a lot, and got NOTHING in return, what a drag. It has been really tough for me to get over my situation, and I truly hope and wish you good luck to get over this person.

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