We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and I don't feel happy with him anymore. All we do is argue over nothing and anything. It was so great in the begginning...laughter, love, effection, and then...he changed. He doesn't show me affection anymore. He's so insensitive. He actually tried to hurt my feelings in an argument(doing so blatanly), and he categorizes me with everyone else when at first it was "us against the world" He doesn't talk to me about his problems, and when we make love, it's become all about him now. Like, he's a selfish lover. I told him how I felt, but he says, nothing can ever be the way they used to be. People change. I asked him to at least make an effort, but he says no. When I say I am going to leave, he acts like he doesn't care..and when I really mean it, he tries like all hell to get me back. I know he loves me, because he still encourages me to be great in life, and he tries to help me in any problem that I may have...but he's just so different than when we first met. I am not happy and he is no tmaking efforts to help. Is it me? Maybe he doesn't find me attractive anymore? I have put on about six or seven pounds...so maybe I'm fat or something? What can I do to get him to make more efforts?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm a 21 year old male, I have been with my girlfriend for about four years. Lately I have noticed that our relationship was getting stale, boring. She knows me, I know her... I feel like we have just got too common with one another, not a bad thing, just familiar with each other and that has a strange effect of hiding the "magic" that once was. We just had to mix it up! your boyfriend is right people change, but change keeps us going, we took up salsa dancing, card games, stupid things just for a change. We hike, ride bikes, wander around downtown, anything OUT of the ordinary. Maybe just changing how you have fun would do it.
I wouldn't worry about not being attractive, a little weight means nothing, four hundred pounds over night may be baaad
Don't try to put the blame on one or the other, for us it never ever helps, this only causes more pushing away when all you want is to be close.
sometimes my girlfriend goes overboard with "I love you" and kisses and what not, and it makes it un-natural and chorelike to give an equal amount back. I do appreciate when she doesn't smother me, and generally smother her because i have a feeling of a lack of affection. oh how the tables turn. lol
i hope that helped a bit. just have fun
hopefully he'll come around on his own. because of positive changes...
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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