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I'm jealous of my boyfriend's ex-wife



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
My boyfriend is divorced and has a son (3 years) with his ex wife. We live together & have a great relationship. His ex lives about 5 miles away. His relationship with his son (he lives with mom) is outstanding. He calls him everyday at five, and has visitation rights every other Thursday and the opposite weekends.

My problem is not with him or the son, it is the relationship that his ex wife and he have. They, have after some tough times remained friends. Something that I should be happy about for the sake of their son, but I can't help but feel jealous when she calls and they talk for a long time. I have talked to him about things that bother me ... I feel she wants her cake and eat it too. She lives with her boyfriend, but seems to want both relationships.

Does this make sense? Her and I get along fine. I just feel jealous. My boyfriend is a very frank person who tells it like it is, and he has told me that what was, was and will not be again.

How can I teach myself that this is all in my head, that there is nothing to be jealous about and get on with growing the relationship? Would it be inappropriate to question her on how she sees their relationship and how she feels about him, me and us?




User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
Shares too much with ex


YOu say that this person has to trust that SHE is the woman in his life. DOES he make her feel like that? There is a reason she is feeling jealous and left out. Woman do not just make up these feelings b/c they do not have anything else to do. There are lines that need to be drawn. I live with my boyfriend. He has a son and i have a daughter. He was married for ten years and has been divorced for four. When we started dating he told me that he will not put up w/ his g/f and ex not getting along. That was fine, i had no reason not to get along w/ this ex. we are friends and we can communicate. the problem is i have been told by the ex that my b/f is not ready to get married. heard it from her, which means her and him had a conversation about something HIM and I should have had a conversation about. Up until this point i was under the assumption he wanted to get married. words from his own mouth. He also keeps a relationship w/ the ex mother/father in law much like they arent ex in laws. Our christmas was ruined b/c he THOUGHT i did not say hi to his ex mother in law. i said hi, but thought it safe to move on. He told me i was rude and inconsiderate and our christmas was ruined by the fight. His in laws still get him bday presents and cards. he tells me he only talks to his ex if it involves his son, but on many occassions that has not been the case. his ex calls repeatedly throught out the day and they are able to email thorughout the day. i have a relationship w/ my dauthers father and we only speak once a week! and no one suffers from it! one night my b/f and me and my daughter were out spending time together and his sone called upset. he calmed him down then his ex called upset. 15 mins later the ex's husband called..ruined our entire night that we dont get too often. it came out that night that his EX and his sone ARE his family. not me and my daughter. he has also said during arguements taht he delt w/ so much and was hurt w/ his marriage that he wont let himself be in that position before. so i have been givng my ALL to a man that only give me a part of himself. im a roomate and something to kill the time between visits w/ his son. His ex keeps in touch w/ his family, his mother brings up the ex evertime we visit and i have done so much for his mother. i dont think my b/f can spread himself evenly. he said he doesnt know if the ex is ruining our relationship (YES) or if i am ruining this relationship w/ hers. up until a few months ago he still had a family pic in his wallet. I feel left out, and like i will never compare. i told him i was sorry that i would never be as important to him as she is b/c i didnt give him a child. but at times he claims he hates her??? also...we take pics of his son at sporting events. he shares ALL of these w/ his ex. makes her copies. he also SHARES our xmas, bday everyday and summer vacation photos w/ her. to me that is OUR life...not to be shared with her. Please help. i dont know if i should leave him...will i ever be more then #10 on his priority list? i'm not happy and he has not made any effort to make me happy. whn i try to speak (not fight) about my feelings he gets mad.

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