She's perfect. Why do I search for infidelity
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am 23 year old male. I have found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. She does sweet things for me, she thinks of me when we're not together, and her family is great! She gives me no reason to think anything is wrong. When I ask her about things, she tells me everything and reassures me. I always feel good when I walk away from the conversation. She's just generally the sweetest person ever.
The problem is that this realtionship is so mentally taxing on me that I feel I am drowning her with questions that show her nothing except doubt. I can so easily turn a simple situation into the worst nightmare ever. I have nightmares about her cheating on me almost 3x a week. Everyone is a different ending to our story. If she doesn't answer her cell phone, I call her work to verify that she's there and she is always where she tells me she is.
The relationship in general is just wearing me down. My self-esteem is good. I'm a personal trainer and a firefighter/paramedic. I have a great career and believe in myself. However, when it comes to her I just feel like I don't fit the bill.
I am so tired mentally at this point and so afraid of failure or her infadelity that I just want to end it now so I don't hurt later. It's obsurd. I don't show my jealousy except for when I ask her and I never have a short fuse or raise my voice to her. As for the making the other feel jealous purposely, I do it constantly. It's like I have to prove to her that other women find me attractive. I am, as bluntly as possible, sinking this ship.
What is my deal? My mother cheated on my dad and ever since then I have viewed woman as nothing but cheating,lying,heartless creatures.
She's not why does my mind try to default her into this category?
Why am I trying to sabotage the best relationship i've ever had?
I am basically sitting back waiting for the worst. I've even thought of cheating to try and give myself a one up in case it does happen. Who does those things? She does anything but deserve that! I've never been like this in any other relationship. I want to marry this girl, but it's driving me, quite simply, crazy. PLEASE HELP!!
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
wow. i know exactly how you feel.
i worry about my boyfriend cheating all the time, and we always fight because he thinks i dont trust him. its not that i dont trust him, its that i dont trust his past. for example, he wasnt technically single when me and him got involved. i didnt know this then, but he says he and the other girl were drifting apart.
i think jealousy does drive relationships apart. and you should try to control that before she gets too fed up.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer