Really awkward friendship
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Ive been in love with whats been my best friend for nearly 3 years. Ive told her at the beginning of summer I loved her, She replied saying that were too platonic, if we werent then things could be different. She also said that we argue too much. But our arguments are weird. We argue but we sort of have a form of silent apology. Is it possible that we argue BECAUSE of any of these feelings? I know that i end up arguing sometimes because of mine.
We've been quite close, we have quite alot in common and we both have similar attitudes. However, im getting really confused. One day, we'll be fantastic, we'll talk, laugh, joke like nobody else exists. But then another day, she just doesnt talk to me.
My friends have pointed out many things. They say, that if one of us is not in the room at our college, then were abit, withdrawn or down. If we are but were just not talking, she looks at me and just, turns away and vice versa.
about 6 weeks ago we went and saw a movie with another friend. We were joking laughing e.t.c, but the next day she was abit, upset. Nothing to do with me, but she was abit withdrawn from all her other friends. I didnt speak to her, but i text her, just sending a smile and making sure shes allright. She replied sending a smiley and thats shes ok. But from then we didnt speak at all. It was completly weird, but it happens not often, but sometimes frequent. Ofcourse, when it came to giving each other christmas present, we were laughing joking e.t.c.
Basically i just wish to have some advice on what im interpreting here. Im really confused on everything, people point things out that make me assured im not the only one who sees this. Its just, it hurts me alot when we arnt talking, but when we do, all the feelings flood back and it gets me really down again. We've both admitted that theres ourselves, and one other person we care about at college.
As i said, ive already told her i love her but thats it, we never went into detail or spoke about it since. The feelings i have are making it really hard, especially when i lost most my friends because they were really horrible to her and i stuck up for her.
So, what advice could you give, on anything really, id just like an outside viewpoint because, its confusing and hurtful.
Thanks in advance (especially for reading this long question!)
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
Obviously as u stated u've already told her u love her. My question would be how did u tell her? what were the circumstances under which u told her u loved her and what was her response when u told her? Obviously i could b wrong but judging by all u've said here, it seems like she is just as confused as u r in some way. One thing u should think about is the word "love" is thrown around so often and carelessly these days that often times when u tell someone u love them thier not sure how to take it. If she does have feleings for u as well maybe she is waiting for u to make the first move because she is unsure of what u meant and how u meant it. Becasue of ur prior friends hip this is obviously a touchy situation. If it were me i would approach her and tell her u want to talk to her alone. As was already stated, if u bring the issue up again with her be casual about it, u could possibly start with, "remember the conversation we had when....", or "remember when i told u i loved u?" and try to gauge her reaction at ur question. If she seems "stand-offish about it u might not want to push the issue and could simply say something along the lines of, "well i meant it, u do mean alot to me and i want u to know im always here for u." this way u save urself embarassment but at the same time remind her of how u feel and leave it at that. if she responds in a positive manner, then to progress things further, u could try saying something along the lines of, "i treasure our friendship more then u might know, but lately ive been feeling something more, hypothetically what do u think it would be like if we were to maybe try going out?" And once again gauge her response. if its positive then maybe its time to actually ask, if u feel again that she is being "stand-offish" then i wouldnt go any further with it. once again no matter how u approach her about this its very important that she dosnet feel pressured in anyway and knows that no matter what happens or dosent happen between the two of u that ull always be there for her as a really good friend and nothing will change in that regards. This is just what i would do and i dont know ur exact situation. but hopefully this will give u some guidelines and "idea" of how to approach her about it again wihtout making her feel pressured but at the same time reminding her. In a situation likethis its always better to b safe then sorry, but if ur to safe u may never know what could of been if anything.
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