We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I've been seeing this girl for about a couple of months now. Things are going very, very well. We're hanging out like all the time now, she stays over all the time, we've gotten closer, kissed, made love, and things just seem great. However, she's become distant all of a sudden. This has happened before, and it's happening again, and I'm not exactly sure how to approach it.
I tried talking to her about it, something's bothering you and you seem distant, what's the problem? And she responded saying that she's been feeling scared. When asking why, she replied, I don't know, my head is all mixed up thinking relationships and stuff...
So, I'm somewhat guessing that she's afraid of relationship status, which I told her is ok and that we don't need to make it more than what we have. She IS getting over a relationship. They broke up about 4 months ago, and it was somewhat nasty, so I understand.
The question I have is, what do I do? I've asked her what she needs me to do to help her, and she says there's nothing I can do. I then tell her that she's going to need to open up if we're to continue seeing each other, but she's very closed off. My instinct says, give her time, be patient, and be the guy she loves to be around and has fun with. Other websites I go to say, "Be a challenge, don't see her, let her alone and wait for her to come to you. Above else, be a challenge" and that just seems a bit alpha male-ish instead of ME.
Ach, please give me some sort of reassurement. I know we like each other a lot, but her being closed off prevents us from getting closer, intimately, physically, and whatnot. She even shies away from passionate kissing, although she still kisses me hello/goodbye.
Thanks, you're the best!
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
She may have some OCD issues. I've been dealing with that myself and I've become very distant and closed off with my current boyfriend of two years. The head being all confused is what triggered this thought because my head gets confused all the time about whether or not hes the one or whether or not i love him ENOUGH. I also steer clear of passionate kissing at times because it intimidates me and scares me. Although I know little about your relationship, I would not rule out a possible OCD related issue, so maybe bring that up to her. :)
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer