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Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new. --Ursula K. LeGuin



My flirty guy...



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Greetings!
I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. I know he's the "one", and we've even had lengthy discussions regarding marriage lately. Anyways, although I trust him with all my heart, I've come across something that gave me a real sting...
His ex- girlfriend, whom I've told him that I've had issues with, sends him "private" messages on facebook. now, the only reason i know this is because I was taking care of him a few nights ago because he was pretty drunk from going out and celebrating his birthday. his laptop was open and a few programs were running, so once I tucked him in I thought I'd kill some time by playing an online sudoku. But anyways.. this private message was on his screen from her. He knows that it bothers me when the two of them talk.
This might sound a little naive, but I'm not at all worried about him cheating. The part that bothers me is that these messages are so "private" and flirty. I could see there were other messages sent to him from her, but I didn't want to read them. I was upset enough.
So here lies my dilemma. I want to ask him about it, but then he's going to think that I was snooping around his folders. Even if I told him the truth, that is, it already being up on his screen, I still shouldnt have read it. I know I would be upset if I felt my privacy was violated. But I would NEVER flirt like this behind his back... In fact, I tell him when someone is being flirty with me, just so that we can both laugh it off.
this is killing me inside because we NEVER hold anything back from each other. We have both worked so hard to be as strong and amazing as we are today.
To be totally honest, I think the problem mostly lies in my own insecurities. I'm a pretty girl with an outstanding education, however when I think of another girl touching him it just makes me cringe. Additionally, she advised him NOT to date me in the first place, so my opinion of her is nothing more than biased.
Anyways.. sorry this question is a novel. Some advice would really be nice. Thank you for your time.




User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Confused


i can totally understand ur feelings, cause my 7 years bf had been talking with all his ex and text messagging them quiet often especially when he's drunk. We had been staying together for 4 years, and it does really bothers me a lot. He would text message them in the room drunk while i was watching tv out side the hall. i've been snooping around, checking on his text message and we often quarrel bout it.
I'm currently back to my hometown due i need sometime off with him.
Neways i had just broke off with him two days ago as one of his good friend told me that he had been bringing his x back home when i was away for holiday with my mum.
He denys and swear that if he did such thing his mum will die tomorrow. I really feels very confuse now.


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