I'm so confused..please help me.
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Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met this guy online. We really fell for wach other. We used to talk all the time, and we would have such a great time together. The problem was, he was half way around the world. But we kept up a good relationship. The thing is, we've met online a couple years ago, but it took time until we fell for each other. We would always be there for each other and talk about everything. We even planned to possibly live together once he got back to the States.
We had a lot of things planned together. We always excited talked about getting a home together.
This summer, I decided to visit him. He really wanted to see me, too. I flew myself half way around the world to see him. But things were getting really weird. I mean I didn't expect everything to be perfect from the first moment, but things were just so weird. We had some good times together. But he started acting so distant. When I tried to talk to him about that, he just sait that he was under a lot of stress and things really haven't been going his way. He was stressed about work, getting ready to go back to the States in a month after living in another country for 2 years, people treating him bad, living in a country he doesnt like, a big fight he has gotten into with a friend of his, and he was also losing his weight. (He is a bodybuilder so maintaining his weight is really important for him.) and he just didn't seem like he waned to talk, so I decided to give him his space and let him be. I figured he'd talk to me when he's ready.
A month passed. I decided to try and talk to him again. He said he was still stressed. and I've finally said that I was feeling so distant from him. He said he felt the same. but when I asked him if it was something we could work on or not, he did not answer me. I asked him if he even liked me anymore. He did not answer. When I mentioned that it hurt me that I didnt even get to see him or talk to him anymore after flying half way around the world to be with him, he said he knew and that he felt bad. He also said he was freaking out about everything: He didn't know where he was gonna be or what he was doing once he goes back to the States. His whole future was in the air, and so was I. He said that as the time to go back home nears, the more unsure he was about everything and it was freaking him out.
When I asked to meet in person to talk, he said no, saying he was going to keep himself busy with cleaning his room and working out. and he also mentioned that he had lost 7 lbs. When I said I understood that maintaining his weight was important for him, he responded with "I don't think you quiet understand it the way I do. It has cost me money,time, sweat, and pain. Every day in and out for the past 8 months. And over the course of one week, I lose so much and it doesnt seem to be stopping. So. I'm gonna go clean my room and work out." I just said, "Ok, honey, Have a good workout, I will let you be." He said he was sorry he was in such a bad mood.
2 weeks passed. I tried talking to him again.
I spilled my heart out. I've asked him to talk to me.
"Although you've never really given me an answer to the question I've asked you..I feel that you dont like me. can you please give me a clear answer on this? I wanted to be there for you and I feel like I've been getting pushed away. We've been so close for such a long time and now..
I feel like you don't even care.Why are you keeping me so far away? I didn't realize that what we've been building together could be so easily thrown away, like its nothing.
What is really going on? Im a big girl, whatever is going on, i will be able to handle it. I don't wanna torture myself anymore thinking whats going on with you. I'm worried. please talk to me. you know I care about you so much, don't do this to me."
And he ignored me. He didn't say ONE word back to me.
Why is he doing this?
I've told him before that whatever it is that he wanted to with his life, I'd be there to support and help him. I was ready to leave my life behind to start new with him. While I was still back in the States, I would send him cards and gifts around the holidays so he wouldn't feel so lonely. I'd remember litte things he says and give him little surprises to remind him that I listened to his every word. I let him know that I appreciated him and felt lucky to have him.
He was so loving. He would always listen to me. He would make me feel home, and he would tell me that I made him so happy and that he was looking forward to having a home with me. He also used to tell me that he loved me and that he felt so lucky to have me, etc..
and now, all of a sudden he changed. He wouldn't talk to me. I've spilled my heart out and he would ignor me. Why is he doing this? If he doesn't feel the same about me anymore, why can't he just tell me off instead of ignoring me and avoiding my questions? He has always been a straight forward guy and he changed. Why is he pushing me away like this, after all these years? With the way he is acting now, he doesnt even seem like he wants to be friends. Would he turn around and talk to me? I treated him well. I've let him be for a month and 2 weeks now. I plan on letting him be again, but I feel like the more I just let him be the further away he is getting. I still love him so much.
I've actually started moving on a bit. But I'm so confused about this. Should I just assume that this relationship is over for real? (that's what I've been assuming). How can he do this to me?
I can't believe I flew half way across the world for a guy who wouldn't talk to me or see me. He knows I've came here to see him. And I feel like he won't contact me again, ever. What is going on? Please help me.
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
I have the same issue..kinda..my boyfriend of two years has been mean,short, and acts like i am more then a burden then the one he loves..he is pushing me away, i think he wants me gone but doesnt want to break it off and be the bad guy.tonight i finally pulled it out of him..he said im done im done im done...and that was it...no reason why...i was planning a trip to see him and now i guess im not. i never knew where the anger came from..he was never good with talking about things just kinda kept everything inside.. i used to daydream of our life together and being married and having a home now all i can think of is will i make it through another day.this man is and will always be the love of my life and the one for me. its going to hurt me for the rest of my life losing him but i guess its what he wanted and when it gets to the point of no fixing or no return you just have to remember the love that was once there and go on.. i dont know how i will go on though..doesnt seem like there is anything left to live for.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer