Am I selfish?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I am 39 years old, my bf is 35, we have been dating for over a year.
I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me.
He is a very needy and insecure person, I am not, and this has caused some conflict in our relationship. He want me with him or me to be around him every minute I'm not at work. I need time to my self, and time with my friends, he gets very upset if all my plans don't include him.
We don't live together, though he is really pushing for that, I don't know if that would be a good move or not. My daughter is almost 18 and will be graduating this year, his daughter is 12, and has 6 more years of school left. I had planned to move somewhere warmer when she graduated, now of course he wants me to stay here.
I'm very confused, he could be the one, but his controlling and posessive ways are a real turn-off that he ppushes me further away when he acts like this, when he doesn't act this way we get along great. Please help!
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
teaching an old dog
Dear very confused,
This is the concensus of three people, two guys ages 21-30, and one female age 21-30. In all honesty, if he is as "needy" as you say he is then the best advice I can give you is, leave him. I for one have been in a relationship like that and it did not work out. Tell him that you need some alone time to spend with your daughters and if he doesn't agree to it, then leave him and move to that warmer place. But be cautious most males/females who are overly controlling tend to take a breakup out of proportion and it might become dangerous, just to give you a heads up "speaking from experience." If you really do love him and want to be with him, then tell him how you feel. Tell him that you are not ready to move in with each other and that you need to take it slower. Giving him six months to change his ways wont work just like the saying, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." Men don't change easily and trying to make him change will only make matters worse.
So, you think that he "could" be the one do you honestly picture him the man for you. The one should reflect what you want in a man if you want an insecure needy partner than go ahead, but if you don't then he is not "the one." You should try finding a man that is more like you or what you want in a life-time partner.
Ashley, Andrew, and Joshua
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer