friends with benefits

We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I've been dating this girl for about two months I really like her and want to make it work. Everything seemed to be going great. I told her that I don't want to know about her past and how I wouldn't like to meet anyone shes ever been with. she stayed quiet, and I said "I've already met one haven't I?" she said no, but I might in the future because they're really really good friends. she says it started as a friendship, then they had sex one day, after that they had sex whenever they wanted. till this day they remain close friends. "where there was a fire there's embers", so I've become a jealous paranoid freak. truthfully im uneasy about the whole situation, I don't know what to do and desperately need your advice. thank you.

User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male

First off, to the advisor responding to this issue. It it all too easy to say, "Just call it quits." If any of you had been in any meaningful relationships, you would know that it takes more than a test run, and a watery eye to keep a relationship. Jealousy is a deep rooted emotion. It's always caused by another event in a person's life. You said that you hadn't been in any other relationships. I can only assume that you mean dedicated relatioships, as opposed to any and all. I can also assume that you have had personal sexual encounters with others aside from this woman. Referring back to the roots of jealousy. It's not an emotion that is easily, if ever, overcome. If you and your girlfriend have trust issues with eachother, then I suggest reposting this issue, including a few other details. Otherwise this seems as if you have been in a picture perfect relationship thus far. I can't say that I personnally believe that to be true, however improbable it may be, it is possible. If, however, it has been one such a relationship that has had no bumps. I would suggest you ask yourself one or more of the following questions.

"Am I attaching any direct emotion to this other man?"
(i.e. anger reflected from past relating conflicts)

"If this were any other guy that she hadn't been intimate with, would I be as jealous?"

"Do I trust my woman?"

Think long and hard on that last question. If you really love this woman, you will know that this is a trivial issue, and that there is nothing here to be threatened by.


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