im so confused, help me what to do, i love him so much...
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I met my bf online 2mos after he got married.He didnít tell me he is until after 3mos but he asked me if Iíd still take him even though he is married.I was so in love with him already and since I told myself not to marry at all bc of some traumatic experience my mom had to go through when my dad cheated on her.Hes a muslim, Iím a Christian.His marriage was an arranged one thatís why he was miserable and even though they just got married, they decided to live separately saying theyíre both unhappy.We broke up after 6mos because their family started pressuring them on having a baby.After 3wks we got back together and his wife is already pregnant.Honestly, I wasnít bothered by it.I come to like his wife through his stories and later on when she gave birth, I fell in love with his daughter too.
We have several attempts to break up, sometimes because of my effort to get attention, sometimes because we both wanted to set things straight.But what bothers me most is his being friendly with girls.We have an instance that a girl practically started harassing me because she dated him once and saying to me that my bf is her lover-she knows i exist.My bf denied it and I believed him.The girl disappeared for awhile until recently he admitted they are friends again.I got paranoid and pretended to be someone else to see if hes going to flirt back.It backfired and he found out it was me and hated me for it.I know he never completely forgave bc from time to time he says that I conned/tricked him and will get back at me one day.But even though I did that he said he is still deeply in love with me.Recently he went to Thailand and before he went i made him promise me not to see other girls.When he got there,he started acting weird like trying to pick a fight.Thinking this is one of our breakup attempts,I told him not to make excuses if he wants to break up with me and asked him to leave me alone forever when he does.So he did.3days later he posted photos in the net kissing and hugging with the girl I hated, the same girl who harassed me before and they made sure I see it also.And then I realized that he spent his days in Thailand with her.I was so devastated.He was in Thailand 3times since last yr and I suddenly got paranoid that theres something going on between them ever since.Of course,Im always giving him the benefit of the doubt and always believed him.I never confronted or demanded an explanation on the photos they posted.I was eventually disgusted and repulsed by the images bc no matter how many photos he posted of him and another girl,hes still married to a wonderful woman and with a beautiful daughter.After 3wks since he posted the photos of them together, he called to inform me thatís hes visiting and heíd like us to talk.I owe him money so I figured its only right to show up.He sounded angry at me and i dont know why since hes the one who broke up with me.
Btw, he proposed couple of times to be his second wife.I never accepted because I feel contented of what we have right now: being his bestfriend and companion whenever hes in my town,I dont want more than that except comforting words that he will be a good man to me, his wife and his daughter.
I dont know how to handle him when we see each other in 4days.I dont know if i need to ask him questions that bothered me since he broke with me 3wks ago. Should I ask him or leave it alone? Honestly, I still love him.
Should I forgive him if the photos he posted was a sick joke to get back at me for what i did to him before?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Are you SERIOUS!!!!!!!
Dont let that loser bring you down. Don't let him treat you that way. 1. He is married and has a kid. 2. He got with the girl you hated just to get back at you..honestly he didn't care about you as much as he says he does because he proved it with the photos. 3. He is a lyer and a cheater...you dont want a man like that. Honestly, when I get into a relationship I have three rules.."don't cheat on me, dont lie to me, and don't hit me ever" simple as that. Hell he has already broke those two rules. Seriously, if I was in your shoes I wouldn't even be friends with him. He is not worth your time or your tears.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer