I beat my BF at wrestling & he can't deal!
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have a problem w/my BF's ego. A few weeks ago I finished taking beginner level judo classes and earned my yellow belt. I really enjoyed the classes and found i was pretty good at it, even tho' i'm not really muscular (i'm tall, 5'9", but slender, and weigh about 125lbs)...plus i'm a pretty girly-looking girl..i wear my hair long and like dresses, etc., and I am considered a "looker."
Anyway, b/c of all this,my BF didn't take my classes very seriously and when I told him i got my yellow belt he just laughed. A lot. And when he was done laughing, well, I was kinda mad and so I challenged him to a wrestling match.
We're the same height but has at least 40lbs on me, and he didn't want to do it at first but after I said 'your just afraid of losing to a girl' he was like, "OK, let me teach you a lesson'.
So we moved some firniture out of the way and we got going and he didn't try very hard at first, b/c he just didn't think he'd have to!
But then i tripped him w/a leg sweep and he went down on the floor, and I could see his face get all and when he got back up he started trying really hard to beat me. Well, long story short, I kept using throws and leg sweeps to send him to the floor, and waited til he got really tired, and then when i could tell his strength was running out, I kept him down on the floor and after a fairly long struggle, I pinned him!
So i had a little at his expense and said "I hope you learned YOUR lesson", but since then he hasn't let it go, and kept after me for a rematch, saying "I got lucky", etc...so last week I finally said "OK" to one more match b/c he wouldnt stop asking, and, yes, I beat him again.
Now he's TOTALLY bent out of shape and keeps trying for another match to prove he can beat me and I need help b/c I'm sick of his attitude!
Was I wrong to defeat him?
Should I just fake it and let him win?
I keep telling him it's just b/c I know judo and he doesn't but he's still angry!
(also, when I suggested we take classes together so he could compete w/me better, he said "I don't need to know judo to beat a girl!" )
what should i do???
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
Phooey! I totally disagree with George. It's not easy to find a man that's secure enough in his masculinity not to be threatened by a woman, particularly in physical pursuits..
If he's that threatened by you over something that happened in the privacy of your own home, he'll be just as threatened if you start making more money than he does, or if you get promoted faster than he does or whatever.
If you don't want to be dealing with this for rest of your life, sit him down and tell him how is competitiveness and aggressiveness makes you feel. Explain to him that it's not a loving or supportive thing and that you're not going to tolerate this from him.
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